My Aunt Vi Moment...

... I loved my Great Aunt Vi. In all truth, I must confess that she was probably a grumpy old lady. I know there was some kind of family rift, but no one ever really explained it to me, and I was a kid, so I probably wouldn't have cared anyway. What I do know is that she loved me enough to put 8 x 10 photographs of me on the wall (all my cousins pics. were out of sight somewhere) and to come to my graduation party and wedding in the same summer (even though she wouldn't go to other people's events... even if they only had one). It probably didn't hurt my status as "favorite great niece" any that I got married on her birthday... and I have spent my entire adult life trying to recreate her Christmas sugar cookies (and I am close)!

So today our family decided to eat at the Papa John's buffet after "building church". We ate until we were stuffed beyond anything reasonable, and then a Papa John's employee came out and asked if we wanted her to make anything special (we were the only ones there). "Special" to us is plain cheese, so I asked for it, even though I really didn't need to eat another bite (in my defense, I hadn't had any pizza, whatsoever... only a ridiculous number of cheesesticks... and breadsticks... and cinnamon sticks... and a whole lot of Cherry Coke, even though I have pretty much given up pop again since Miah's birth).

By the time the cheese pizza was ready; Phil, Seth, Grace, and Caleb were definitely done eating. They went out to the van (and took Miah, too), leaving just me and Ian. We ate a few bites each of cheese pizza, realized that there was no way we could consume any more without exploding, cleaned up the booth, and got ready to leave. It was at this point that I looked down at the table and realized we had taken far too many Papa John's spice packs, and there was still an unopened container of cheese sauce, too. And for just a moment, I wondered what I should do about this...

Seeing as I love both products (and they can't serve them to anyone else after we've touched them, right?), I began to stuff seasoning packs into my jeans pockets (I mean really stuff)... and as a last minute decision, I threw the cheese in there, too... And this huge smile spread over my face as I thought of Aunt Vi and the many restaurants that found themselves short of jelly after she dined there and filled her purse... She would have been proud today...

Lisa

Pretense...

This past Saturday our family was at a birthday party for my friend's son who was turning 3. At some point, the kids went outside to play while many of the adults sat around the kitchen, talking and eating too much cake and too many chips! When I glanced out the sliding glass door to the swingset, I noticed that Grace's dress (she always has to be such a diva, lately, so the jeans have been hidden in the back corner of her dresser for some time), was flapping wildly in the breeze while she pumped her legs up and down on the swing... and... well... you get the picture... as did anyone there who happened to be outside or looking that way...

Not wanting to embarrass her, I went to the door and called out (pretty softly, at first) that she needed to get up and sit on her dress. Except she didn't understand what I was telling her to do, so I had to repeat myself several times, until finally she got the point. Except I'd drawn a small audience.

One of the ladies asked me what I was saying, and so I told her about Grace's dress. And she said something to the effect of, "Wow... I would have been yelling if it was me!" Then, my friend Kelly (it was her house we were at) said that I am always so calm... and for just a brief moment, I imagine that my chest puffed out, and the "Supermom" crest appeared, and some epic music played... (OK... wait... it's like one of those bad daydream sequences again... actually, I am just swollen from breastfeeding, the only thing "appearing" on my shirt these days is leakage from the same, and the epic music was Ian, singing his theme song)... but anyways, I felt kind of proud...

For about 2 1/2 seconds...

Then I remembered how much I hate pretense...

It's just that... well... I'm not sure anyone has ever called me "calm" in my entire life! I usually sort of exude this Type A, choleric-melancholy personality, mixed with a healthy dose of OCD. "Intense" has been a much more common descriptor...

I started thinking about the many times I've lost my temper and raised my voice over stuff that really amounts to... nothing... when I stop to think about it...

And it occurred to me that I think I'd like to be that calm person that apparently I've tricked Kelly into believing I am over the past couple of years... (Kelly, if you're reading this, I hope you're getting a good laugh out of it!)

I really try to be transparent. Recently, I read an opinion about an author who had grown more transparent in her work as time went by, and the reviewer felt that was a negative quality... I'm sure I read the review with my mouth hanging open...

But I don't want "transparent" to translate into "bad"... It doesn't have to be about airing all of my dirty laundry. It can be about becoming the person I should be in the first place.

I want to be calm... and cool (well... OK... that's probably never going to happen)... and collected, but I don't want it to be a masquerade. I want to really be all those things.

I don't want to be the mom who screams at her kids in public... but I don't want to be the mom who yells at her kids at home, either... ever... I mean, unless one of them is about to touch a hot burner or run out in front of a car or something. That's what yelling should be reserved for...

Just some thoughts...

Lisa

That Takes Talent...

... Earlier today, I climbed over a pile of laundry (quite literally) and landed on about 18 inches of floor space in front of the dryer. I have now determined that I could do one load of laundry every day for the rest of my life, and it would still never get done! Maybe... maybe if I did three loads!

At any rate, I opened the dryer and then realized that the empty laundry basket was on the other side of the room (not within reaching distance unless I scaled Mt. Neverest again), so I did the only reasonable thing I could think of... I yelled, "Caleb, I need your help! I'm trapped!" I specifically yelled for Caleb, because I figured he was the most likely to care that Mommy was trapped in the laundry room. My other kids would have just laughed at me, but as expected, Caleb came running! He was, however, disappointed that I wasn't locked in the closet with the washer and dryer. He really wanted a dramatic rescue, I guess... He got me the basket anyway...

And as I began to dump the clean laundry in the basket... and the wet laundry in the dryer... and the dirty diapers in the washer... I thought of Tinkerbell...

Now, humor me...

In "Tinkerbell", Tink arrives in Pixie Hollow and must determine what her talent is. Queen Clarion takes her to a circle of enticing items, and one by one Tink begins to touch them. She touches a beautiful glowing flower and it goes dim, signaling that she is not a "garden fairy". She touches a glistening blue snowflake, and it also goes dim, signaling that she is not a "snow and ice fairy". It goes on for a minute or two, and then she turns, and this hammer jumps up and glows (brighter than the fairies have ever seen) and travels straight to Tinkerbell's hands! And we learn (as does Tink) that she is a "tinker". Exciting, right? Well... not so much to Tinkerbell as she begins to discover what "tinks" do...

I kind of imagined myself, at that point, standing in the middle of a circle with all the amazing things that represent what I have wanted to do with my life during different time periods... And suddenly... out of nowhere... a huge, shiny container of "All Free Clear" comes careening toward me at the speed of light and hits me in the head... and I find out that I'm a laundry fairy! Again... exciting, right?

Now, I'm not cracking up... really... at least I don't think so...

This all came after a pretty traumatic day of house cleaning. Earlier, I went to check on the downstairs bathroom (that Grace had told me was clean). It was not clean. I followed this by checking on the upstairs bathroom (which I never should have done, because it is never clean). It was disastrous. As a side note, the master bath was clean. This is the bathroom I use...

Because I felt somewhat adventurous (and Miah was asleep upstairs) I decided to go ahead and clean the upstairs bathroom. OK... I really did this because I found a couple of ants, and it is probably a really bad idea to send your asthmatic children to shower with the mildew. I admit it.

I was thankful for Grace at this point (both my daughter and the virtue), because it must have been fairly obvious that Mommy was close to having a nervous breakdown, so Grace took all of the dirty laundry downstairs and piled it in the laundry room (which is how I ended up mountain climbing, as mentioned above). This helped us to have a clear path through the upstairs hallway, at least...

I was also thankful that in my little daydream sequence, I was not hit in the head with a toilet brush. I legitimately do not think I am a toilet cleaning fairy. But the bathroom got clean anyway...

Unfortunately, Ian destroyed the rest of the house (including Caleb's new 900+ piece Lego set that he got for his birthday and just built) while I cleaned the bathroom...

Near the end of the day, I sat down to fold the laundry (finally) and put the Tinkerbell movie in. And there was one line that really grabbed my attention. It comes when Tinkerbell is "tinkering" as opposed to trying to change her talent to be like the other fairies. Another fairy notices, in awe, what she's doing and asks, "Don't you like doing this? Isn't this really what you love?"

Yeah... I guess it is... Well, I mean, not literally the laundry... but I get it...

Come put the clothes away little fairy... and pirates...

Lisa

My Bucket List...

The other day, my parents were here for a visit. The kids were talking with my mom about school, and I made a comment about being done for the semester. And then my mom asked me if I had a goal. Now, I’ve been in school for a few (ahem) years, and I’ve changed my mind about what I want to study a couple (ahem) of times. But, for whatever reason, the way she asked kind of ticked me off. So I glanced around the room at my children and said something to the affect of, “No. I have absolutely no goal for my life.” And that was the end of the conversation…

Ironically, though, I have been putting some thought into the kinds of things I want to do with my life lately…

Specifically, I was thinking about whether there is anything I need to do within the next 10 years (before I turn 40) or forfeit the chance to do it at all. Let me make a note here, that I don’t think 40 is old (anymore… when I was a kid, 40 was ancient), but there are probably some things that are better experienced before age 40. Most things, I think, can be enjoyed just as well after age 40; therefore, they were bumped to a different list for when Miah is big enough that I won’t regret missing a few hours… or maybe even days… of her life here and there.

Please… get ready to contain your laughter if you can… but the only thing I could come up with for this “pre-40” list was that I would legitimately like to be cast in a community theater role for a rendition of the High School Musical plays… because I am a dork. If you can stop laughing long enough to read on, I have actually considered purchasing the scripts, myself, and running a production here, because I know enough teenagers (and dorks) that I could probably make it work. If this is going to happen, it needs to be done “pre-40” (unless I want to play “Mrs. Darbis… which I don’t), because I highly doubt that I will be able to pass for a teenager in 10 years. Perhaps you think that I am kidding myself that I could still pass for a teenager now, but I can… and I have… as recently as the last couple of years. I cannot however pass for a skinny teenager… there’s some work to be done there…

Yeah… Wow… “Pre-40” that’s really all that’s “pressing”… and now I’m kinda smirking at myself, too…

What I do want to do with the next ten years is enjoy my family. I want to love my husband and raise my kids. I don’t want to miss anything, because as I have expressed in recent posts; it all goes by way too fast anyway. And you can’t slow it down. But that’s no reason not to enjoy every single minute! With that in mind, the kind of stuff that tops my “pre-40” list includes dancing in the rain… reading all the books I loved as a child, out loud… tickling toes… kissing foreheads… screaming on every roller coaster hill… taking more pictures (and video)… painting little fingernails… and kicking some butt at video games…

I also want to take care of myself, and I’m learning that that’s not selfish! When I do turn 40, I’d like to be able to sit down and pound out a really good list for what I’d like to do in the next 40 years! So I’m pretty determined to start cooking from scratch again… I’ll probably dust off the elliptical within the week… and I actually took the time to give myself a facial and put lotion on my splitting heels, this morning… It’s a start…

When I stop to think about the kinds of things I would really put on a “Bucket List”, most of it involves travel. I’m sure I must have inherited my love of traveling from my Nana, because she traveled pretty much everywhere, and as of yet… well… I haven’t. The most “exotic” place I’ve ever been is Florida, and the most “exquisite” place I’ve ever dined is Cinderella’s Castle (which is probably something that would have made my bucket list before I did it). And it was great! But someday I would like to go to Hawaii… and for that matter I’d like to be able to say I’ve been to all 50 states. In addition, I would love to travel to India… and Israel… and Australia… and Europe. Specifically, I want to ride in a gondola in Italy… really… really… bad… But, ya know… there’s always Epcot…

I guess I’d like to build my “dream house”. The only thing about that is I get pretty wrapped up in the memories that are made in places… so by the time I can afford to build it, I probably won’t want to leave what I have. I am pretty wrapped up in thoughts of remodeling right now, and I’m trying to get things painted and decorated just the way I want them. By the time I’m done, maybe I’ll have my dream house right here…

I’d love to own my own portrait studio…

And publish my book… and write some more…

And record my music… and write some more…

I want to return…

Generally, I never want to find myself in a circumstance in which I’m not helping people on a regular basis. I don’t really care how.

I want to be the person God created me to be.

What else is there?

Now, as I stop to look at this, I am realizing that none of this has anything to do with school… at all. And maybe my list ranks right up there with pathetic from most people’s worldview. But I kinda like it. Perhaps the answer I gave my mom was accurate. I don’t think I have a “goal” anymore. I’m just going to live…

Lisa

"So We Never Got to Paris"
By: Out of the Grey

Young lovers, without much
Save each other, isn't that enough
Paint the future, a little day by day
Making plans with no regard for what might come our way

This cup fills up so quickly
There's so much on our plate
Between the living and the learning
Some things must wait

So we never got to Paris
And found the cafe of our dreams
But our table holds a whole world of memories
No, we never went to Venice
And strolled the streets alone
But we built our worlds together and we got the best of both

There's still wonder in our eyes
But we see each other in a different light
Yet the future isn't always clear
Now the question is where do we go from here

This cup fills up so quickly
There's too much on our plate
Between the living and the dying
Some things must wait

So we never got to Paris
And found the cafe of our dreams
But our table holds a whole world of memories
No, we never went to Venice
And strolled the streets alone
But we built our worlds together and we got the best of both

This cup fills up so quickly
There's too much on our plate
Between the living and the dying
Some things must wait

So we never got to Paris
And found the cafe of our dreams
But our table holds a whole wide world of memories
No, we never went to Venice
And strolled the streets alone
But we built our worlds together and we got the best

We may never get to Paris
And find the cafe of our dreams
But our table still will hold a world of memories
If we never get to Venice
And roam the streets alone
We'll hold our worlds together and we'll keep the best of both

Happy 6th Birthday, Caleb!!!

It's always a shock... how fast it goes... and now my Caleb is six!

To be honest, today was a rushed and hectic birthday. When I woke up this morning there was still a cake to be baked (Caleb chose "twist" cake & ice cream)... a card to be signed... presents to wrap... and even one still to buy...

We took pictures... and did the Chuck-E-Cheese thing... and stopped by the store (where I bought the frosting for the cake, among other things)...

Presents didn't even begin to happen until after 8pm...

And, you know, Caleb didn't even mind...

I am so thankful for that child...





Happy Birthday, Caleb! I love you...

Lisa

I'm OK...

Well... just over a month postpartum, and I think I'm going to survive!

I still feel a little bit like I described a couple of weeks ago in that I feel a little bit delayed... by this I mean that a couple of weeks ago I felt like I did when I first brought my other kids home, and today I probably feel about like I did when my other kids were around 2 weeks old as opposed to a month. But it's steady progress, and I'm good with that...

I do feel a little bit like Miah's first month flew by without me (or at least with me in a haze). Thankfully, I know this isn't really true, because I took lots of pictures. It was fast, though, and although I'm finding myself less teary about Miah's "firsts" and our baby "lasts", I do sometimes wish that everything would just slow down.

On that same line of thought, I am finding that I am not so motivated to do much of anything, but I'm feeling like this is less because of sadness than the desire to just stop and take it all in, enjoying the moment as opposed to constantly rushing around to the next thing. And when I realize that this is what this somewhat traumatic month has come to, I feel pretty good about the direction things are headed.

I've needed to step back and evaluate life for a long time now. Dealing with PPD (or whatever you want to call it) has forced me to think through some things, and it's turning into a good thing... I love it when you can find the good in situations that you wouldn't have asked for...

I don't want to live my life thinking that things will get "better"... or "easier"... or whatever after "this thing happens"... or "that time period passes"... or whatever... But I honestly do think that I am coming to a point at which I am going to be able to relax a little bit and think through what I really want out of this next era of life. I am going to finish my school semester this week. The kids are going to finish their school year and remaining classes and programs and competitions by the end of the month/early next month. And our summer schedule is going to bring some freedom in which I'm not really responsible for a whole lot (or anything, really) unless I consciously choose to take it on. And I don't think I'm going to be doing a whole lot of "taking it on"...

I have a great deal to think about in regard to the fall. My choices for educational pursuits... business ventures... volunteer activities... etc. are almost unlimited. And there is a certain amount of excitement to that. But I think that I mostly want to just be. I want to love my husband and raise my kids. And because I live with a bit of a restless spirit and a desire for adventure and knowledge, I'm sure I'll pick up a thing or two here or there that I'll look back on and wonder what I was thinking. But I'm going to try real hard to limit myself in order to really be the person I was created to be.

I want my life to really count for something, but my ideals are changing about what that means... and it's really all good. I'm OK...

Lisa

Vacationing Close To Home, Part 3...

I said I'd never do it again...

After our last "free day" adventure at The Children's Museum in Indy, I said that I would never go back on a free day. It was a zoo. But we'd already planned to visit today for "Bob's Big Day", a Bob the Builder special event, when I checked the website one more time last night and exclaimed, "Oh, No!" when I read that the first 1,300 visitors would gain free admission! I am sure I am probably the only person in the world who is disappointed when I find out I can do something for free, right?

Well, as it turned out, we arrived a little before 9:00am and found that we were able to secure a great parking spot and the first place in line for non-members of the museum (technically, there were two other families ahead of us, but museum staff accidentally let them in with the members... oops...)

I found out later (while I was chatting with the Bob the Builder event coordinator and nursing Miah at the Bob the Builder meet and greet, literally feet from Bob... in a roped off area... because, hey... Miah was eating lunch there before Bob arrived and they told me I didn't have to move...) that there had been over 17,000 people in the building for the MLK Day event! No wonder I was claustrophobic! Today was much better, because we were actually able to enjoy the exhibits without being crushed on every side!

Even on a day without a special exhibit, it is impossible to explore everything at The Children's Museum. There is probably an annual pass in our near future... We did manage to take in a lot of the Bob the Builder stuff. I loved that it was so interactive. The kids made tool boxes, participated in a story, worked together to build with huge Legos, made newspaper planting projects that I need to work on and then get out in the yard, and met Bob, himself! Grace and Ian also won tool sets to put in their new tool boxes! Every family was only allowed one picture with Bob, so Ian is blinking:

What an incredible day!

Of course, we also explored other areas of the museum, where the kids came face to face with a dinosaur and then dressed up like dinosaurs, too... where they explored science through water tables and mirror mazes... where they climbed through tree houses and listened to stories... and where we all just generally had fun together!

After the museum, Phil did some exploring of his own of the train variety, while the rest of us listened to Adventures in Odyssey and enjoyed the ride. We ended up at Cicis for dinner, where we all ate too much (my breadstick count is too embarrassing to post) and then headed home exhausted but with smiles on our faces!

Thus ends our trication (Seth even told an employee at the museum that we were on a trication, and she made a pretty good guess about what that meant)! Check in later in the summer for more wild family adventures!

Lisa