Happiest Place on Earth

Happiest Place on Earth
Showing posts with label disappointments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disappointments. Show all posts

Saturday, September 26, 2015

That's Not Her Door...


... Lessons from Monsters Inc.

Well, we've finally made it to Disney property a full week into our vacation!  We are affectionately referring to the first part of this trip as the vacation before the vacation, which is sort of fun.  Today was all about transitions... 

We often stay at multiple hotels/resorts on our Florida vacations, because it never seems like a good deal to stay on Disney property while going to non-Disney attractions, but it also never seems like a good deal to stay off property while doing Disney.  So, we expect to have a transition day (or two) most of the time.  Today was a good day for this.

We thought we were going to have a few hours to kill between resorts, but as it turned out, since Disney is amazing, we were able to check in several hours early.  This was a huge blessing for multiple reasons, one of which, I will admit, was that I caught a three hour nap this afternoon, which I am pretty sure has never, ever happened on vacation!

The kids spent the day plugged in.  That's fine, since we haven't so much as turned on a TV screen in a week!  This is the only way to "camp", let me tell ya...


I might have enjoyed the Duffy the Disney Bear bedtime story with Miah a little bit more than is probably appropriate at my age...



And then we went to a campfire and watched Monsters U on the big outdoor screen.  Miah thought this was very magical. 


Speaking of Monsters...

Although I would probably rather just blog vacation stuff at this point, I am going to throw this out there, because it eventually needs to be said.  Tonight is as good a time as any, particularly because I expect this post will get very little traffic due to the hour and lack of voluminous vacation pictures.

There is this scene in the first Monsters movie where Sulley and Mike are trying to return Boo to the human world.  Because Mike is just desperate to get out of the mess they're in, he makes a deal with Randall, who agrees to have Boo's door on the scare floor during lunch break.  Sulley and Mike can put Boo back through her door.  The door will be returned to its place.  No one needs to know what happened.  Everyone is happy.  It sounds brilliant, except Randall doesn't keep his end of the deal (villains rarely do), and he has the wrong door waiting for them when they arrive.  And, perhaps, the most endearing moment in the film (although there are a lot) is when Sulley takes one look and says, "Mike, that's not her door," and then refuses to do the only thing that will easily get him off the hook for bringing this toxic, human child into the monster world.

I don't know if there is any real connection here, but every time I have come to the end of an interview process in the past year, I have had that line run through my head, "That's not her door..."  Maybe it's because so many people like to talk about God opening and closing doors.  I honestly don't even know what I think about that anymore.  I keep wishing that someone would open a door.  For a long time I have felt as if I am simply standing at the wrong doors... doors that are steel enforced and locked, dead bolted, and chained...  I am pretty tired of knocking.  Maybe I'm wrong, altogether, and there aren't any doors at all... just walls.  And before anybody even says it, my climbing through windows days are over.

So, in case I've lost you, I took a phone call last night that was the latest in a long line of rejection letters, emails, voicemail, etc.  I am pretty sick of being awesome but not hired, but I guess there are two ways I could go with this disappointment.  I can sit around and cry about it, or I can let it fuel whatever's next.  I needed 24 hours to be frustrated.  I needed that three hour nap.  I needed a day for transition. 

I would imagine I am going to need a little more time to process this, but it is going to have to wait until after our vacation is over, because I am at the happiest place on Earth, and the truth is nothing has changed.  Maybe it would have been harder the other way...

L.     

Pictures Taken Today: 60 (if you count blurry cell phone pics.)

Friday, June 5, 2015

I'm Learning Some Things About Myself...



In some ways, I hate that.  I feel like I should know myself pretty well at this stage in the game.  But, whatever.  If you have followed my FB posts or even these blog posts over the past few months, you have probably noticed that there have been a lot of violent ups and downs.  If you've been privileged (and I use that word tongue in cheek) enough to also have more personal interactions with me, you might even be worried.  Don't be.  Really.  I mean, sometimes I'm actually not OK, but I will be.  I channel my emotions into writing.  For the most part, as soon as it's written I can move on.  But I do have to write it.  Whatever it is.  Much of the time I also need an audience lately, but not always.  If you saw the things I write and don't share, you'd really be worried.  Here's what I'm learning, today...     

1.  I am never happy unless I am helping someone.  This seems like it should fall under the category of "positive qualities to possess".  Sometimes it does.  Actually, much of the time it does.  But let's go back to the word, "never".  It would appear that I need people in my life who are in perpetual crisis in order to be happy, in order to feel as if I am doing something useful and redemptive in the world.  On days where everyone I know is feeling fine, I'm in trouble!  And I shouldn't be.  I should really like those days, because I love those people!      

2.  People are afraid to call me on the carpet.  I have been living a particular story over the past few months that has leaked its way out in bits and pieces to trusted friends and mentors, over time.  I honestly can't remember who knows which pieces of the story, exactly, but I'm pretty sure no one knows it all.  It's an ugly story, and, no, I'm not going to share it here where anyone in the world could potentially read it.  Apparently, though, I scare people.  I mean, if someone else shared this story, about themselves, with me, I would kick their butt.  Maybe this is why I scare people.  I'm not as tough as you think (and that's hard to write).  I need people in my life who are willing to kick my butt (but only when I deserve it, please).

3.  I broke the mold, and I don't care.  But it still hurts when people are mean.  Which, I guess, means I do care... at least, sort of.  'Nough said...

This is kind of random.  I need to go help somebody now.

L.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

My Past...



... does not define me.

But the truth is, it has helped to form and shape who I am.  And I am exceptionally happy that this is the case.  It's not a tragedy if our journeys have made us into the people we are today.  The tragedy would be if we didn't learn or grow from our experiences.

That said, I think it should be relatively obvious that if you put me in a position that is nearly identical to something that was devastating (yes, I said it, I meant it, I am not being dramatic, and it's true) to my life; I am, naturally, going to take a fight or flight approach.  That's self preservation.  And even though I am more than willing to give up my own life, again and again and again, for the sake of Christ; I am not willing to give up my own well being and emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical health for the sake of the drama on which other people seem to love to build their lives.  It's just not happening.

L.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Life Happens...

I've been trying to work through my thoughts on some things for about a month now.  I feel like I need to be very clear, with this post, that just because I am having a rough time with some things does not mean that I do not recognize that I am surely, exactly where I'm supposed to be.  And I am blessed.  Really, really blessed.  So I don't want anyone to read into this post anything that isn't actually there.  I'm telling it like it is...

Let's backtrack to last month.  I took a pretty big hit.  I've only talked about it with a couple of people, because the truth is I spent about two weeks spontaneously bursting into tears, and... well... you all know how much I love to cry in public, so it was much easier to just stuff it.  There is something I have wanted to do since I was about 15 years old.  It's the kind of something that you tell people about when you're 15, and you say, "When I grow up, I want to be (fill in the blank)," and they look at you like you're a little off, shake their heads, and say, "That's never going to happen, but keep dreaming..."  Well, last month I was one of three "finalists" for just what I wanted... and that's as far as I got... 

Sometimes I feel like I'm still paying for decisions I made 16 years ago, but the lesson I cannot learn from that is, "don't make decisions!"  And so, as I so often do, I decided that instead of continuing to burst into tears for the next two weeks, I would breathe in... and breathe out... and keep moving...  I watched "Tangled", chanted, "I need a new dream," about a hundred thousand times... and I was just about OK.

In the ensuing weeks, the rug was pulled out from under us, not once, but twice more, regarding things we have dreamed of for years.  It's been this ugly process of just barely getting a handle on the emotions that go along with these kinds of disappointments and then blinking, only to find something else staring me in the face.  And I'm really, really tired of fighting.

So, the following quotation hit me like a ton of bricks the other day, 

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." - C. S. Lewis

I don't think I can recall a time in my adult life when I have not had at least some sort of idea regarding what I wanted.  Today, I have no idea, and I'm not good with that.  Maybe I should be, but I'm not.  It's not that I don't have the general principle right.  I want what God wants.  I just don't know what that looks like in my everyday life anymore.  

These songs are helping, but you could pray for me, too.  It's been a rough one...

L.

Broken Bread
By: Rend Collective Experiment

May I be broken bread, may I be poured out wine
May I incarnate, Your kindness Lord
Spend my life Jesus, anyway You please
Whether on great things, or what seems small

Your will done your way
Your will done your way
Your will done your way

I will not fight You
Take me past the line that my heart draws
I will not fight You
Take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts
I will not fight
Lead me further than I've gone before
I will not fight You
I'm abandoned to Your call

Your will done your way

Do not let there be, any part of me
That’s untouchable, unreachable
Let my delight be, living out Your dreams
Washing dirty feet, and kissing yours

Your will done your way
Your will done your way
Your will done your way

I will not fight You
Take me past the line that my heart draws
I will not fight You
Take me beyond the laziness of my thoughts
I will not fight
Lead me further than I've gone before
I will not fight You
I'm abandoned to Your call
Call

God let Your dreams come true, dream through us
God let Your dreams come true through us
God let Your dreams come true, dream through us
God let Your dreams come true through us
Dream through us

And...

Everything is Yours
Audrey Assad

When all the world is blossoming
When everything around is bursting into life
And I don't have to strain to hear the beat of Your heart
Oh, Oh, Oh

When all the world is under fire
and the skies are threatening to thunder and rain
And I am overcome by fears that I can't see
Oh, Oh, Oh

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I can let it go
No it was never mine to hold

Who could command the stars to sing
Or hold the raging seas from breaking through the doors
Until the fragile roses wear the very same hand
Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I can let it go
I can let it
I can let it go

Cause everything is Yours
Yeah everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
If everything is Yours
I can let it go
Oh, no
It was never mine to hold
Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh

Friday, February 28, 2014

February...

Here's what went on in month #2, this year...

Smallest Super Bowl "Party" we've had in years:

In other televised events news, the kids and I watched pretty much all of the Winter Olympics.  It was the first time, in years, that we have had access to them at our own house!  I never thought I would love the DVR option, but I do!

 Kelsay and Kyle spent the night before the district quiz.
It's fun being at the stage of life
where I don't have to entertain the kids' overnight guests.
Just providing pizza... and lots of it... works out pretty well:

I think I must have forgotten to take pictures at the quiz, and, in fact, I can't even find the results on my FB page.  It must have been a good one...  Really, this is strange, though.  I am pretty sure Grace was 1st and Seth was 3rd individually.  The team was 4th.  

We went bowling after the quiz...
Which you wouldn't know from this picture,
but I liked it anyway: 

In case you're wondering,
We are pretty lousy bowlers,
but we do have fun:

Even though I was apparently incapable of capturing Seth and Grace's achievements at the district quiz, with a photo, I did manage to take a shot of this deep fried, thick cut bacon I made.  I'm not sure what that says about my parenting skills, but I can cook.  Actually, I make this particular food once every decade or so.  It reminds me of Mammaw and Paw.  Theirs tasted better...


Sterling was a real challenge.  I actually struggled an awful lot over that weekend, and I am pretty displeased about some of the things I have seen going on in the Bible Quizzing world.  It's the first time I've cried (a lot) at a quiz, since I was a quizzer, myself.  Not to say there haven't been some proud teary eyed moments, but these were the kinds of tears that come from being sorely disappointed with people, not numbers.  At the end of the day, I had one very distraught daughter, and I spent the better part of the next month putting pieces back together.  Sometimes, that's just life.

Competitively speaking, Grace was 5th individually:

"Sheep in Wolves Clothing" took 10th place:

Sterling fell on Phil's 38th b-day, this year.  We had to wait to celebrate until we got home.  We took him out to Texas Roadhouse and saw The Lego Movie, as a family.  Everything is Awesome!

Although I took quite a few pictures
of Phil's birthday celebration,
I liked this one best:

We rounded out the month with a children's quiz that I actually was able to attend!

Here's Caleb answering a question:

And Ian's sweet, little, energy filled team:

That's a wrap...

L.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Some Things...



… just don’t work out.  And it’s OK. 

This intersection is, perhaps, the best reminder of that, for me:


As I sat down to write, it suddenly occurred to me that I don’t really want to re-hash the story.  I thought I would.  But I don’t.

I hope Phil doesn’t mind that I made him turn around to get this picture for such a short post!

L.