Maybe the Mayans Were Right...

Let me get straight to the point (then I'll ramble on for awhile...)

2012 was rough enough that I found myself actually hoping that December 21st would mark the end of the world.  It's not the kind of thing you announce the day before, but after the planet survives... well... that's a different story.

For many years, I have sat down to write a Christmas letter to friends and family.  The mailing list numbers over 100.  Some years are better than others, but this year I just couldn't do it.  I did manage to come up with a quick, sort of generic, blurb for the back of our 4 x 8 Christmas card photos that we sent out to 29 addresses (mostly great aunts who don't have Facebook accounts).  The truth is, I didn't really want to share much of this year.  I just wanted it to be over.

I blogged much of the personal devastation, often in code, through the summer months.  By Fall my writing turned to an attempt to convince myself, as well as anyone else who was reading, that I was OK.  By the end of October, I all but dropped off the blogging radar, except for a few notes regarding the kids' quiz season, the election, and that aforementioned Christmas card.  Since I began blogging in 2003, I have not missed entries for the kids' birthdays, our anniversary, or holidays (at least not for the most part).  I'm going to be really frustrated someday when I look back through the 2012 posts, because they're just not there.

I'm absolutely going to hate that I have six days worth of entries for Phil's graduation from N.N.U. in 2011, but I worked for 15 years to achieve my bachelor's degree and then didn't enjoy the graduation ceremony, pasted a smile on for a couple of quick shots, neglected to order the professional photos, and wrote a few lines...

I cannot believe that I have not shared anything about Ian's first day of Kindergarten or how amazingly good he is at school.  I never would have dreamed that he would be the kid who is irritated that we still have another week of Christmas break... but he is...

Phil and I celebrated 15 years of marriage this August.  That's kind of a milestone.  I can't even remember what we did... 

I published a book!  I have always wanted to publish a book, and 2012 was the year I did it... for the first time...

I took a few minutes, this morning, to go back through my pictures of this year.  I smiled more than I cried, which was a pleasant surprise.  Since launching elemenoh-cheese, it's not all that often that I post snapshots anymore, but I found a few that really should have landed in the public realm this year, particularly because they are a reminder to me.  They represent all the really good stuff that went on in our lives, despite the stress, frustration, and depression.  Somehow, even in the midst of these things, we found some moments in which to be blessed... and in which to be thankful... 

Like this moment in which Miah is so happy at music class she looks like she could explode:

Or that time I did Seth's science project:

Or our trip to the Co-pa, by ourselves, 

in which I actually got to watch an entire game:

Or that day I was so proud of Grace that I almost embarrassed her to death:

Or Caleb's basketball adventure, 

which actually did get blogged and made the book, 

because... well... you know how it is with Caleb:

 

Or that time we decided to go to a Pacer's game?  Huh?  What were we thinking?

 

Or the day we learned we could get into the Children's Museum for $6.00 

and then proceeded to spend more money on the carousel than the tickets:

Or the sight that greeted me when I came home from my "Mommy Retreat":

Or one of the best birthdays ever, 

when I got to watch Seth and Grace quiz for the first time:

I really don't have a clue what's she's doing here, 

but it's one of those things you just have to post:

And that picture that didn't make the Christmas card:

 

And that trip to St. Louis, a rare couple of days with just "sethandgrace":

And here they are, after all... 

A couple of shots of Ian's first day of Kindergarten:

At this point you may be asking, "Lisa... what the heck does this have to do with the Mayans?"  It's simple.  Maybe my world just ended.  I have spent so much time feeling hurt and desperate this year over things that I can't change.  I have lost focus regarding what really matters.  And unlike the posts in which I tried to convince myself that everything might still turn out just the way I wanted it to; I'm legitimately ready to let go of that now.  The truth is, I already have everything I have ever wanted.

I'm not exactly living in a dream world.  2013 is going to bring with it some challenges, I'm sure.  In fact, I could probably list a few already if I really wanted to do so, and no doubt there are many others I have not even imagined to this point.  But isn't that always the way it is?  If you'd asked me, last year at this time, where I would be today; this probably wouldn't have been my answer.  But here I am...  (dare I finish the sentence)...  send me...

L.    

Christmas 2012

Heartfelt Blessings Christmas Card

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You Can't "Get" Christmas...

I feel irritated this morning.  But let me backtrack.

I really love this time of year.  I am ready to pull out the Christmas music, Thanksgiving is coming, and, admittedly, I ordinarily even make an annual Black Friday shopping trip.  So before anyone decides that I am indignant and self righteous, let's get this one thing straight.  I am just as materialistic as the next person.  I am not proud of this... at all.  It has been a struggle my entire life.  I've been working on it for years, and there are moments in which I think I have it licked.  But if I'm not careful it will come back to bite me.

I really enjoy giving gifts at Christmas.  I can sometimes be "over the top".  There have been years in which I have shopped, sporadically, for 365 days, just to find the "perfect" gift.  We made the front page of the newspaper one year, because our kids were sprawled out in a shopping cart at 4:00am the day after Thanksgiving.  I am the mom who is willing to fight it out at Target for the last camera or hit every Toys R Us for the Strawberry Shortcake house.  In case anyone has forgotten, I am an adrenaline junkie, so I think the experience is actually just about as much fun for me as the actual purchase.  I enjoy having a story to tell.

We have had Christmases on which the entire living room floor was covered in packages.  Last year, in the midst of financial struggles, we sat the kids down and told them that we probably would not have much in the way of presents.  They were absolutely fine with that, even reminding us that Christmas isn't really about presents, at all.  Phil and I also cancelled a surprise vacation that had been in the works for five years.  As a mom, I felt pretty crumby about what our "Christmas" was going to look like.  Amazingly enough, through a series of crazy events and deal shopping, we did, indeed, spend Christmas Day in the Magic Kingdom at Disney World after all!  So when I write this, please understand that I know full well that I do not really grasp the desperate situations that most of the population of the world has to endure.  God has always provided for everything we need and even most of what we want.  I understand this.

This year is going to be a little different.  If last year looked like it was going to be a meager Christmas spread (even though it turned out almost excessive), this year really is going to be on the light side.  I don't feel awful about it.  In fact, I love knowing that my children are going to be thankful for Christmas, regardless of whether or not there are packages under the tree (which there will be... some...).  I love knowing that my oldest four children have all asked Jesus to live in their hearts and that they are seeking to follow Him more every day.  I love that we will wake up on Christmas morning, read the story of Jesus' birth, celebrate the Eucharist, and then spend the day dozing on the couch and futon (broken down as they may be), snuggling, watching Christmas DVDs and listening to Christmas music.   

 And with that, let's get back to the reason I was feeling so frustrated...

I keep hearing people say things like, "I don't have enough money to 'get' Christmas this year," or, "We aren't going to 'have' Christmas this year".  I am watching people as they advertise on social networking sites that they need someone to "get" them Christmas, because they can't afford it.

HELLO!  You can't "get" Christmas!  Jesus is Christmas!

I probably needed this perspective as much as anyone.  But I just felt compelled to share it.  So as we head toward the advent season, let's all remember that in little or plenty there is a reason for this celebration that far surpasses packages and bows. 

L.

Life As A Number...

Ah...  Quizzing.

That one word embodies more of my life, memories, personality, theology, world view, etc. then I think even I realize.  Sometimes I like to think I'm a legend.  I'm really not.  If there were a comprehensive book of quizzing history, my  name might show up here and there, from 1994-1998.  If you found my picture, the most likely scenario is that I'd be crying with glitter running down my face.  But someone was kind enough to say these words to me the other day:  "You have stories no one else has to tell - And that's what legends are made of".  And it's true.  I do have those kinds of stories.  I'm not particularly interested in dusting them off, just now, but I know they lurk somewhere beneath the surface... far beneath the surface... and well, what's done is done.

Yesterday, as I was watching Seth and Grace quiz through the windows, and observing the activity all around me in the hallways, it occurred to me that some things never change.  When you quiz well, you often become a statistic (this is probably true when you do anything competitive well).      

When I was a quizzer, there was always a lot of buzz on the district regarding points and win/loss records and standings.  However, a lot of us were pretty good friends, too.  I often think back to one particular day when I passed my friend Robb in the hallway and asked, "How are you doing?"  He answered with his average for the day, and I stopped cold and said, "I meant how are you doing as a person, not a number."  We both kind of chuckled and talked for a few minutes.

There are not too many people out there who are more competitive than I am (although I suppose I might be married to one, and perhaps we're raising a couple more).  So...  let me rephrase that.  There are not too many people out there who are more competitive that we are... our family... that's just how we roll.  This is, of course, one of the reasons that quizzing captured us, so completely, and became an amazing vehicle for memorizing Scripture and applying it to our lives.  But I want this to be fun for S & G (and for "the babies" as they get older, too).  I want them to make friends and to care about people.  I want them to learn about teamwork and goals, winning and losing with grace (uh... the virtue, not the person).  I want them to have so much Scripture crammed into their heads that they can't help but turn to it when a real life situation requires it.  I want this to be transformational for them.  And I think it will be.  And I know it already is.

Back to the numbers for just a moment, though.  Yesterday I had the privilege of coaching Grace in her first Top 16 quiz off.  Truthfully, I am a good coach.  However, I defer this responsibility to Phil most of the time, because he is a phenomenal coach.  But yesterday called for both of us, because Seth and Grace made the top 16.  Grace went in 6th and Seth went in 13th.  In my mind, this put Grace in a pretty decent position to make the Top 10, and it was just going to depend on how things went down with Seth.  If you've ever quizzed or coached in a Top 16, you know that the competition standards escalate dramatically.  Jump aggressively and hope to pull it out.  Score positive points every round.  You might have a chance.  This is the point at which you have to rely on the knowledge you have.  Going in, I knew that Grace had roughly half of all of the material memorized, plus all of the memory verses (and she had, of course, studied the rest, as well).  Seth is harder to read.  He doesn't walk up to me in the evening and just start quoting whole chapters, but if you listen to his answers in practice, you know he has more down solidly than you would guess, because they are often word for word from the Scripture.  He is also not afraid to error, which is a huge asset in high level competition situations, because the kids who are afraid to error just never get jumps.  Occasionally, this backfires on him (and all good quizzers), and yesterday during the morning rounds was kind of like that.  Question selection is key, but he's in 7th grade!  Sometimes I forget this!

After one round, Grace was in 2nd place and Seth had leapt to 4th.  This was encouraging, but there was still much room for caution.  I know, all too well, how easy it is to fall from 2nd place all the way out of a position on the team.  If the butterflies in Grace's stomach were killing her (as she exclaimed), mine felt more like piranhas!     

After two rounds, Grace had slipped to 3rd and Seth to 6th.  Grace had a rough round, a rough call, and a lot of tears.  This mama (who, remember, spent most of my quizzing years crying), had to encourage her to "suck it up", even in the midst of my own escalating blood pressure!

In round three (final round), Grace got up to appeal something, and the attitude that came through just screamed "Lisa, 1995".  At this moment, I thought to myself, "Oh...  I hope the quizmaster and content judge remember that she, too, is a 7th grader!"  As much time as we have spent working on memorization, jumping, making relationships with other quizzers, Bible study, technique, and spiritual formation; we have not had the time to begin to get challenges, rebuttals, and appeals dealt with.  In a few years, I fully expect that Grace (and Seth too) will deliver them beautifully, with accurate information and reasoning, and a whole lot of respect for the authority of the quizmaster.  Patience is a virtue here...  Her appeal was not accepted.  Then, another quizzer challenged a correct ruling, against her, but something finally fell her way, and that one was overruled.

So, after three rounds, Grace had retaken 2nd  and Seth had also retaken 4th.

I am just a little bit amazed by them!  I probably shouldn't be in shock or anything.  They have worked so hard.  And now they have a couple more weeks to cram in some more material and fine tune some skills!  St. Louis, here we come!

L.

It Was A Day...

Tuesdays are always a little on the hectic side for us right now, purely because of the choices we have made for scheduling.  That's perfectly alright with me, because I prefer one insanely crazy day every week as opposed to five or six days that just have something scheduled for an hour or two each.

I woke up, got myself, Ian, and Miah ready to go to Miah's music class, and rushed to the van thinking we would be slightly late.  In fact, we were ten minutes early, and the music studio was not yet open.  At five minutes until class time, I hauled the kids out of the van and waited at the door.  And then it hit me that it was sort of strange that no one else was there.  Of course, this is the point at which I remembered that Miah's class actually starts an hour later than Ian's and all along I had Ian's class time in my head.  Nice.

So...  I decided it would be a good time to go vote.  Of course, this was complicated by the fact that I can never remember which precinct number I live in, and our polling place has changed no less than three times since we moved here five years ago.  I went home, did a quick Google search, and found my polling place.

Ian was not all that excited about going with me to vote, but then he exclaimed, "It will be a good experience for me, so I'll know what to do when I'm older!"  I was proud of him for grasping that concept.

On the way to the polling place, Ian wanted some clarification, again, about who I was voting for.  I told him, "Romney".  Miah, in an attempt to be a good little Republican started chanting, "Brownie!  Brownie!  Brownie!"  This is, indeed, how she pronounces Romney, which I find rather hilarious.

When we reached the parking lot, Ian jumped out of the van and shouted, "Hey Mom!  Why is Obama bad for our family again?"  Between choking and trying to cover his voice with my coughing, I explained that it is illegal to campaign at the polling place and that he would have to "hush", but I could tell him more about Obama's policies later.  Thankfully, I think we were the only people in the parking lot at the time.

I am not sure whether the people in the polling place were looking at me as if I had grown a second head because I was wearing my Mockingjay pin or because I had two small children in tow.  There were actually two precincts voting at this place, and it never ceases to amaze me that the line for the other precinct is always almost out the door, but there is never anyone there from my precinct.  Oh wait... maybe it is because every house on our street goes up for sale on a regular basis!  I'm telling you we must be terrible neighbors!  At any rate, I got to walk past all of the other voters who were patiently waiting, because my precinct's voting booth was empty, per normal.  I made my selections, pushed the red button, and found myself highly disappointed that there were no "I voted" stickers.

Of course, then we went to music class... and back home for lunch... and off to private piano lessons... and back home for dinner...  After which, Phil dropped Caleb off for his music class, and then went to vote.  He, also, passed the long line of voters from the other precinct and had what amounts to a walk-in voting experience.

After a quick change and a round with the dishwasher, we picked Caleb up and headed to Upward basketball and cheerleading evaluations.  Whew!  What a day.

We are home now, watching the returns come in.

I learned something about myself, today, that actually has very little, if anything, to do with what I've just written but rather with the deeper emotional and spiritual part of my being.  I apparently still have very deep wells to draw from if I absolutely have to.  I didn't think they were still there, but they are.

Random thought...

The Genie's line from "The Return of Jafar" came to mind tonight.  "He's a genie, and genies can't kill anyone.  But you'd be surprised what you can live through"

Also, a couple of songs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HtXIKvDLy8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEKOz3gXD4E

L.