I Can't Help But Love...

These kids:

And these favorite outside activities:

 Miah couldn't get over the fact that she was, 

"coloring on the floor,"

and no one was stopping her..

.

Ian kept presenting me with flowers,

asking if they were poisonous,

and then proclaiming that I am the best mom ever...

And this song:

Sacred

By Caedmon’s Call

This house is a good mess
It’s the proof of life
No way would I trade jobs
But it don’t pay overtime

I’ll get to the laundry
I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight
‘Cause tomorrow it starts again

Could it be that everything is sacred?
And all this time
Everything I’ve dreamed of
Has been right before my eyes

The children are sleeping
But they’re running through my mind
The sun makes them happy
And the music makes them unwind

My cup runneth over
And I worry about the stain
Teach me to run to You
Like they run to me for every little thing

When I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord, make me like a stream
To feed the garden

Wake up, little sleeper
The Lord, God Almighty
Made your Mama keeper
So rise and shine
Rise and shine ‘cause

Everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I’ve dreamed of
Has been right before my eyes

L.

My Social Filters...

… are seriously deficient right now.  I do not think I have quite reached the point at which I will say or do catastrophically stupid things, but I recognize that I am dangerously close.  Let me give a few examples…

I came within moments of pulling over the Nazarene limousine, offering to buy coffee for the guy who has been stationed on the corner of Main and Broadway wearing a two way “turn or burn” sign (it doesn’t really say that, but it’s close enough), and then telling him exactly what I think about his theology and what a travesty it is, especially in this town where we have poured over five years into the lives of people who are anti-church, for him to be wearing that sign and making us all look like idiots!  Instead, I opted to go purchase lots of frozen food that I knew would not survive a long coffee shop chat.

That was, in itself, a pretty bad idea, because in a momentary memory lapse I forgot that I live in a small town and that going to the grocery store almost always requires me to talk to multiple people who know me.  It’s really hard to stand at the bakery making small talk while thinking, “I don’t understand why you walked away from our church”.  It also borders on embarrassing to be hiding out behind the day old bread cart because I recognize faces but can’t come up with names, or even contexts from which I should know people, to save my life.  The only redemptive thing about the grocery store was that I did not know the cashier or bagger (I usually look for people I recognize, but remember, I am avoiding conversation like the plague right now) and that all they were really interested in talking about was my opinion on whipped yogurt as opposed to regular yogurt.  Somehow, I managed to navigate that one alright…

I also almost gave my real opinion on VBS to a whole group of people with small children.  I didn’t, though…  I didn’t…

I don’t do “girl angry at the world” very well anymore.  It just seems so “early 20s” as opposed to “mid 30s” (I am 33…  does that still count as early 30s, or do I have to claim mid 30s at this point?)  But I am angry.  I am currently coping by hiding out at my house, hoping people don’t call, and listening to loud, angsty music from the late 1990s… and apparently by posting things to my blog that I should probably just leave unsaid…

You know what, though?  The more I think about it, I realize that I am less angry and more tired… exhausted… completely spent.  And I absolutely hate it when people waste my time.  I mean, we are talking #1 pet peeve (or if not, pretty close to it).  Each of us only gets so much time.  I’d like to use mine for things that ultimately matter… or at the very least for things I enjoy…

So if you should happen to find me with my mouth shut, please just smile and wave.  It’s better that way.  I’m busy putting myself back together again, and I am a really lousy multi-tasker.  I can’t pick up the pieces and filter everything I really want to say at the same time.

L. 

It's 1:00 in the Morning...

At present, I am sitting at my kitchen table, eating an entire bowl of caramel popcorn, listening to what might be the worst album ever put out by one of my favorite artists, looking at the past through rose colored glasses… 

I am, quite frankly, sick of wrestling with theology.  I am so exhausted that I cannot sleep.  The combination is terrible.

I can’t just turn the proverbial page anymore.  I think it’s time to write a new book altogether... again...

L.

And Another Reason...

... the neighbors think we're crazy.

Grace has been doing much of her quizzing review, headed to regionals, outside.  Today she realized that she had about 20 minutes before her piano lesson and asked me if she could go outside to quote a couple of chapters.  It seemed to make sense to me, since there wasn't really anything else for her to do with this time.  Usually I peek out the window and find her swinging, Scripture portion in hand.  Today, this is how I found her:

No wonder we can't keep neighbors!  I mean, here is this kid, pacing and quoting Scripture out loud, and I'm pretty sure she was completely oblivious to the fact that she is carrying her really heavy bag of piano music as she does this (at least it wasn't raining yet)...  Actually, no.  That's not why we can't keep neighbors...  It probably has a lot more to do with the crazy woman following Grace around, snapping pictures...

L.

Just One More Reason…

why the church is in trouble…

Well…  this is going to be a popular post.

I admit that I sort of fell off the blogging bandwagon in the past few weeks.  I am trying, but there are so many things to do in any given day that snapping a fun picture to post has been relegated to the bottom of the “to-do” list.  I hope this will change when summer vacation arrives.  I am not sure I have ever needed a summer vacation so badly…  Three more weeks…  Just three more weeks…

At any rate, I set out to create a fun post today.  I recently purchased an already inexpensive jogging stroller, on sale, at Amazon…  At some point it occurred to me that if I ever wanted to walk on a regular basis again, I was just going to have to take Miah with me.  I eventually want to start the couch to 5K program (I’ve been talking about it for a year now, time for some action), and Grace is really interested in doing this with me.  So I put on my walking shoes, loaded up the girls and the new gigantic stroller, and to be honest I was sweating before we left the driveway…  Nice…  This post was going to be about our awesome time on a 3.6 mile jog through the park.  Let’s be real…  1.8 miles and 31 minutes into it, I was done.  Whatever.  It’s still better than the zero miles in zero minutes to which I have grown accustomed.  I admit that it added insult to injury (forgot to stretch) when my eleven year old said, “Are you sure you don’t want to do one more lap, Mom?”  But I’ll get over it… probably three months from now when (if) I can run a 5K...

I took a picture of Miah in her new “strollie” (that’s what she calls it) before we got started.  See that face?  That’s why I have to take her everywhere…

And that was going to be my post for the day…

Except…

When we got into the van to drive to the park, the radio was on.  I was hoping for some music, but let’s face it, Christian radio almost never plays music in the late morning hours.  I proceeded to listen to some (self proclaimed) Baby Boomer explain to youth pastors how their jobs are now obsolete, and hey…  it would be nice, he’s sure, if they could get a paycheck from the church, but that’s just not the way it is anymore.  In fact, Boomers have done such an amazing job with their children, described as Millennials, that they… the Boomer parents… can run the youth programming for their well sheltered, overly loved little ones just fine, thank you.  I had to stop for moment to determine whether this broadcast was recorded in 1989 or not. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I am actually all for family based ministry.  But this guy is talking about coordinating roller skating field trips (I think), not theological teaching and spiritual formation.  And, OK…  whatever…  I don’t know what the perceived needs of his community are…  But I wonder when it will occur to him that the Boomers are the grandparents (and even great-grandparents) of the Millenials, and there is at least one more generation sandwiched between them, maybe two…  I mean, there’s nothing I’d like better than a 68 year old parent led youth group that focusses on singing Gaither choruses and bowling scores, with an occasional pot-luck ice cream social, but… oh… wait…  I’d like almost anything better than that…

I wonder when the Boomers are going to realize that their children are actually not teenagers anymore, and that, in fact, some of us have teenagers of our own (I will fall into that category in just under five months, myself).

We reached the park and took our walk.  Remember, we walked for 31 minutes.

Thirty-One minutes later, the guy is still talking!

This time he is talking about how important it is for the Boomers to hire Millenials, and even though they might have to make some allowances for their terrible work ethic in the morning, there is hope that the Boomers will be able to teach the Millenials how to do things in the ways they have always been done…  And by the way, the church is changing and the new model should just be about business leaders running the church (I think he missed the memo that this, unfortunately, happened decades ago)… 

At this point, I am actually yelling at the radio.  I think my exact words were, “Why don’t you just retire so they can have your jobs!  Grace (who is, at least by some definitions, a Millenial) says, “Mom… why don’t you just turn it off?”  I look back at her and explain that I can’t do that if I want to write terrible things about this program on my blog.  We, of course, break out in hysterical laughter…

Obviously, I am just a jaded Gen X-er…  Forgive me.  I am still trying to get used to the idea that my generation has been completely forgotten and will never have any real influence on the world, because the Boomers will die trying to control the whole Earth and when they do the torch will pass to the Millenials…  Sure hope I’m raising my kids well…

L.

PS  When I went to label this post, it came to my attention that I have never used the label "church" before...  ironic...

I Currently Own...

... more shoes than I ever have at any given time in my life.

I'm a little embarrassed.  I'm not even exactly sure what happened, but it seems that at some point, this year, I decided to join the "you know I'm a woman, because I have a ridiculous number of shoes" club...  I hope it's not a sign of the beginning of a mid-life crisis...

Here they are (minus the two pairs that have now been designated "work" or "play in the mud" shoes):

Miah wanted me to take a picture of her shoes, too...  I mean, she was relentless:

Don't worry too much, though.  I doubt I will start carrying color coordinated purses anytime soon...

L.

Reason #752...

...why it was easier when we just ate pink slime.

I look like an idiot beating a coconut with a hammer on the patio...

In the end, I did win...

L.

Materialism At It's Worst...

For some time now, I have talked about getting rid of the enormous piles of children's clothes that have accumulated over the past 13 years.  Sometimes I have even sorted through a box or two and actually sold or given away a few items.  In my defense, I did actually do a good job of saving what I thought we would use for future children, and that has saved us some cash over the years.  But more often than not, what I have done is hoarded clothing items that someone else could be using, because every one of them held some sort of aesthetic power over my senses, brining to mind memories of times and places that are long since passed.

There comes a time, though, when enough is enough.  I mean, who has 41 plastic bins of clothes in their basement?  FORTY-ONE...   Well, I did.  But I don't anymore!

I admit that I still saved quite a few things, but you wouldn't believe the piles... upon piles... upon piles we dropped off at The Salvation Army, while waiting for Seth and Grace to finish up quiz practice.  In addition, I took a couple of bins of stuff to Once Upon A Child, and they gave me a check for a few dollars after rejecting most of what I brought (no surprise, but give me a break...  I didn't walk in there with anything that was not brand name and in excellent condition)...

There are some things, though, that I didn't even feel guilty about keeping.  The best example is here:

Who puts their child in something like this?  Oh wait...  I'm the one with my hand straight up in the air again...  This one made the "keep" pile, and one of these days I'll sneak back down to the basement, bury my nose in it, and smell my baby Grace in Iowa...

L.