In some ways, I hate that.
I feel like I should know myself pretty well at this stage in the
game. But, whatever. If you have followed my FB posts or even
these blog posts over the past few months, you have probably noticed that there
have been a lot of violent ups and downs.
If you've been privileged (and I use that word tongue in cheek) enough
to also have more personal interactions
with me, you might even be worried.
Don't be. Really. I mean, sometimes I'm actually not OK, but I
will be. I channel my emotions into
writing. For the most part, as soon as
it's written I can move on. But I do
have to write it. Whatever it is. Much of the time I also need an audience
lately, but not always. If you saw the
things I write and don't share, you'd really be worried. Here's what I'm learning, today...
1. I am never happy unless I am helping someone. This seems like it should fall under the category of "positive qualities to possess". Sometimes it does. Actually, much of the time it does. But let's go back to the word, "never". It would appear that I need people in my life who are in perpetual crisis in order to be happy, in order to feel as if I am doing something useful and redemptive in the world. On days where everyone I know is feeling fine, I'm in trouble! And I shouldn't be. I should really like those days, because I love those people!
2. People are afraid to call me on the carpet. I have been living a particular story over
the past few months that has leaked its way out in bits and pieces to trusted
friends and mentors, over time. I
honestly can't remember who knows which pieces of the story, exactly, but I'm
pretty sure no one knows it all. It's an
ugly story, and, no, I'm not going to share it here where anyone in the world
could potentially read it. Apparently,
though, I scare people. I mean, if
someone else shared this story, about themselves, with me, I would kick their
butt. Maybe this is why I scare people. I'm not
as tough as you think (and that's hard to write). I need people in my life who are willing to
kick my butt (but only when I deserve it, please).
3. I broke the mold, and I don't care. But it still hurts when people are mean. Which, I guess, means I do care... at least,
sort of. 'Nough said...
This is kind of random.
I need to go help somebody now.
L.
