Meltdown...

Seriously, don't laugh! You know you've finally lost it when you spend an hour on the computer attempting to create a cartoon version of yourself... Is this the kind of thing that requires therapy? hehehe...

Alright, so I think I did fairly well...

This is me on a very good, straight hair day... 50 pounds lighter, because the "plus size" option was really plus size, and I don't think I'm quite that big...

Now that my cartoon self is dressed and wearing make-up, maybe I should do something about the real self... sitting here at the computer... wasting time...

Lisa

Archived Slideshows and Stories...

I love these slideshows...

I love these stories...

My kids have grown, and it's time to put some new ones up, but I couldn't quite let these go...

To those of you who love and pray for these little people, thank you! I can't even begin to tell you how much it means...

I love these kids...

Lisa

Seth...
First kids really have it rough in a lot of ways. Sure... they get the constant attention of Mommy and Daddy for the first part of their lives, but they are also our guinea pigs. We experiment with first babies, because we've never done this before. I prayed for a baby, and Seth was the answer to that prayer. Seth Matthew means, "God's Appointed Gift". I was only 21 when Seth arrived. I pretty much thought I had it all figured out. I had taken care of other people's babies for years, so I'd had some practice. But it's different when the baby is your own. I am a serious type A personality. I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect, and in the process of trying to make it turn out that way, I made a whole lot of mistakes. Somehow, even though I was extremely comfortable with babies, Seth made me nervous. I guess it doesn't matter so much when you mess up with someone else's baby... but when it's yours... Seth has not one, but TWO baby books. They are both kept meticulously. Seth was a bottle fed baby, because I was afraid I was starving him after just a few days of trying to nurse. While we were waiting for Seth to arrive, we made a list of everything a baby could possibly "need". We had two baby showers and got much of what was on that list. What we didn't get… well… we bought. Phil had to put the crib together twice to get it… uh… "just right"… and by the time Seth actually slept in it, he had a toddler bed. During Seth's first year of life, he was left in a nursery only a handful of times, and he was left with a "babysitter" only once, for a couple of hours... that was Grandma... and I was just down the street. I think I called at least twice. Seth and I took walks often and played at the park... and I'm still kicking myself for selling his stroller in a garage sale... several years later. Seth has always been highly intelligent and extremely passionate. And from the moment he was born, I have had a fierce instinct to protect him from being hurt by others... and I still do…

Grace...
Grace is unique, because she is our only little princess. And even though she's a "girlie-girl"... well... she's tough as nails, too. Grace was born just thirteen months after Seth, and I refer to her as the "greatest surprise of my life". When I say that, I really mean it. I was thrilled about Grace. Grace Anne means, "Gracious Blessing". I was 22 when Grace arrived, and you'd think I would have learned a thing or two. And I thought so, too. I figured that after the first amazing year with Seth, I knew how to do this "Mommy thing". And I still made mistakes. But Grace didn't make me nervous. I figure she's probably saving that for the teenage years. Grace has a beautiful baby book, but I didn't add her birth certificate to it until she was five. That's what happens when you're a PK, nearly from day one, and your birth certificate doesn't get ordered for quite some time and then gets lost in the midst of some move. We had a baby shower for Grace and got tons of beautiful clothes. We knew we were having a girl. We didn't have to buy much, because we had all of Seth's baby things, but we learned pretty quickly that girls are more expensive, anyway. By the time Grace started sleeping in the crib, she was old enough to jump out of it to come find us in the morning. I will always remember the sound of those little feet. Grace "grew up" in church nurseries. She stayed with a babysitter for half a night, an hour away, when she was only 2 months old. It was necessary, but you'd better believe I called... more than once! Grace and I read books... over... and over... and over. And now she reads to me. Grace was independent from the moment she arrived. I have always been captivated by her personality, and I hope the rest of the world is, as well...

Caleb...
Caleb's story has grown to something of epic proportion… at least in my mind. He first "arrived" during one of the most difficult times in my life. He filled me with hope, and I was absolutely in love with him from the moment I laid eyes on him. Caleb Ethan means, "Bold, Faithful, and Strong". I was 24 when Caleb arrived, and I really had learned a few things about life… but not enough to avoid making some mistakes. I was determined to hold Caleb as much as possible and to enjoy every moment. And I did. And I still do. Caleb's baby book was finished a few months ago. It was quite the project, because the hospital lost his wrist band (which I did find later), and the photographer lost his baby pictures (which were never recovered). But we took tons of our own pictures of Caleb, and his baby book is quite complete. Funny, everyone said I wouldn't be able to keep up with it once baby # 3 arrived… Our church gave us a card shower, and we used the money to buy new crib bedding and to replace some of the baby things that had been worn out by Seth and Grace or discarded by us. He loves his "airplane blankie", but I still don't know why I bothered with the rest of the bedding. He slept in our bed (at least part of the night) until Ian arrived. Caleb spent lots of time in the nursery and more time with Grandma (and even other babysitters)… but I still called. Caleb has done most everything right by my side. I love to play with him, but mostly we snuggle. Caleb has always been very sweet, and I hope when he recovers from the "terrible twos" he still will be…

Ian...
Ian... We first learned about him in the midst of getting ready to take our first ever family vacation… to Disney, nonetheless. Looking back on that, it is quite fitting. Although Ian is less than a year old, it feels like he has always been a part of our family. Even from the start, he has simply "belonged" with us, in everything we do. I cannot imagine life without him. Ian Justice means, "God is Gracious and Just". I am now 27, and I've learned more than I ever wanted to in some ways, but I know I have a long way to go, too. I will make mistakes here and there… probably far more than I'd care to admit. But I'm still trying to get everything just perfect. Being the 4^th baby has some perks… at least around here. Digital cameras and technology, for example, have guaranteed that he will be the most photographed baby of all time and that his scrapbook will look quite professional… In fact, he is the only one who has professional pictures from the hospital (as mentioned earlier, Caleb's were lost, and no one ever came to take Seth's or Grace's). There was no shower, but we do have good friends and family who sent gifts. And I think I went a little off the deep end with my own purchases… Ian has a wipes warmer… cloth diapers… and his own little "nest" for sleeping in our bed. He is a pampered baby. The crib is set up, but let's face it… it's just for looks. So far, Ian is a little bit too "Mommy dependent" to enjoy extended time in a nursery or with a babysitter, but when he's ready to branch out a little more, on his own, believe me... I'll call. Ian is blessed with a big brother who makes up creative games to play with him, a big sister who is like a second little mommy, and a best friend who will all too soon be his partner in crime… And although I haven't figured out just what special things he'll like to do, I am sure enjoying just holding him and watching him grow…

My Pumpkins Are Growing!!!

So... I never really reported on my interesting little gardening attempt...

I have wanted to grow a garden for some time. I just have never been in a position to do it...

I am still probably not in a position to do it, but it is one of those things where I finally said to myself, "Are you going to keep on wanting to do this your whole life, or are you going to just do it?" Then I answered myself by heading for the back yard with a shovel...

It is more difficult to dig up dirt than I'd imagined... and may I mention here that I do not like worms... In the end, I ended up with a very tiny patch of ground, oh probably 3x6 feet at best... I was very proud...

I planted many, many different kinds of veggies... (and fruits, but I think they are all dead)...

I cannot remember exactly what veggies I planted... or where... but I do see a few green things emerging from the ground that I don't think are weeds, so we'll go with it...

When I looked out the kitchen window, however, I got really excited, because I saw some real plants in my garden! Of course, I ran right outside, and to my delight I recognized them as the pumpkins (this is only because you have to plant pumpkins a little differently than everything else).

I ran back inside shouting, "My Pumpkins are Growing"... You are supposed to imagine this being said something like you envision Paul Revere shouting, "The British are Coming" to get the full effect... Of course, the kids wanted to see them, but I explained that they really only look like a bunch of green leaves right now, so that lost it's appeal pretty quickly...

Who knows if anything else will sprout, but to tell you the truth, if I end up with four decent sized carving pumpkins from this my first gardening attempt, I'll take it...

And... next year... I think I'll hire someone with a rototiller...

Lisa

"Words to Build a Life On"

As promised, here are the lyrics for "Words to Build a Life On"... Amazing song... It speaks for itself...

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed are the poor
Blessed are the weak
Blessed are the ones
Who can barely speak

Blessed in your hurt
Blessed in your pain
Blessed when your teardrops
Are falling down like rain

Blessed when you're broken
Blessed when you're blind
Blessed when you're fragile
When you have lost your mind

Blessed when you're desperate
Blessed when you're scared
Blessed when you're lonely
Blessed when you've failed

Blessed when you're beat up
Blessed when you're bruised
Blessed when you're tore down
Blessed when you're used

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed when you're heartbroke
Blessed when you're fired
Blessed when you're choked up
Blessed when you're tired

Blessed when the plans
That you so carefully laid
End up in the junkyard
With all the trash you made

Blessed when you feel like
Giving up the ghost
Blessed when your loved ones
Are the ones who hurt you most

Blessed when you lose your
Own identity
Then blessed when you find it
And it has been redeemed

Blessed when you see what
Your friends can never be
Blessed with your eyes closed
Then blessed you see Me

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed when you're hungry
Blessed when you thirst
Cause that's when you will eat of
The bread that matters most

Blessed when you're put down
Because of me you're dissed
Because of me you're kicked out
They take you off their list

You know you're on the mark
You know you've got it right
You are to be my salt
You are to be my light

So bring out all the flavour
In the feast of this My world
And light up all the colours
Let the banner be unfurled

Shout it from the rooftops
Let the trumpets ring
Sing your freaking lungs out
Jesus Christ is King!

Jesus is my Saviour
Jesus is divine
Jesus is my answer
Jesus is my life

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Give us ears that we may hear them
voice that we may sing them
life that we may live them
hope that we may give them
hearts that we can feel them
eyes that we can see them
thoughts that we may think them
tongues that we may speak Your words

Copyright Mike Crawford 2004, BMI
CCLI Song No. 4541172

One Step Forward...

... Two Steps Back

Even slow progress is not supposed to be this slow.

This could apply to lots... and lots... and lots... alright already... and lots of areas of my life lately.

I am tired...

Lisa

Has It Really Been Three Weeks...

... since I went silent?

I am going to work a bit on "back blogging" now, as I like to call it...

See below for new posts...

Lisa

Paradise '08...

For those of you who don't know, Phil and I spent Memorial Day weekend in Missouri/Kansas, participating in an intense, extensive time of worship. It was awesome.

It was not the kind of awesome that you usually experience. It was not the been there... done that... got the T-shirt and wear it everywhere I go kind of awesome. It was different.

Our day out in the field started with no direction, which, to be honest, got on my nerves a little bit. Except it really shouldn't have, because as Phil and I began talking, I know that God used those moments to work in my heart. I don't think I really want to get into all of it, and a lot of you who read this blog regularly have already heard the story (or lived through it), but let me just say that it is a pitiful thing to nurse wounds you didn't even realize still existed...

At some point it started to rain. I admit there was a tiny, little bit of lightning, but I counted the seconds between the lightning and the thunder, and it was like 30 miles away, so we stayed on the field (although Phil did run up to the tree line where we'd left our lunches, because we didn't particularly want to serve our group soggy sandwiches). During this time, spontaneous singing broke out. I liked that. The rain lasted for about 10 minutes...

We experienced a group time together, which was good...

Our late morning silence time was a bit on the interesting side. I really don't think most people understand the significance of silence. Most days, I don't fully "get it" myself. I had a difficult time getting settled in a place where I felt like I could completely focus my attention on God. The first place I chose was inhabited by a great multitude of tics. The second place I chose was also inhabited by tics, as well as some other friendly insect creatures, but perhaps the worst part about that spot was that when I sat down I came to realize that the ground was a good deal wetter than I had anticipated. Finally, I climbed a tree...

I did not climb very high, mind you, but I did climb, and that's saying something since I don't believe I've been up in a tree in well over a decade...

I decided to read about Nicodemus... which led me to the passage about the master and the talents and the servants who invested them wisely and the one who didn't. And then I felt like I was getting absolutely nowhere, so since there was a breeze I went ahead and let the pages of my Bible blow at which point I came to the parable of the lost sheep. And in the end, to be completely honest, I exclaimed, "God, You are so confusing!"...

Carefully climbed out of the tree... found Phil... headed toward the field for the Sacred Assembly...

Let me insert here that this is the point at which I should have applied sunscreen. However, I am sometimes an idiot, so I now look at bit like a lobster, seeing as this is the worst burn I have ever experienced, hands down...

The first part of the Sacred Assembly was good. It was probably better than good, but my mind was wandering to a few other issues at the time, so for me it was just good...

Then, one of our girls started to feel light headed, so I took her up to the first aid tent. Actually, we were headed to the ambulance, because I thought that was where they were administering first aid, but as it turned out there was a tent right out on the field where they were equipped to serve warm Gatorade, so that's where we ended up... She really didn't feel well...

I stayed up there with her for probably 30-45 minutes. During this time, some of my favorite worship songs were being played on the field, and I have to admit that I was a little on the irritated side... again... because I would have liked to have been down there. At some point, another one of our girls joined us, and I went back to the group. I was able to clearly see our girls in the first aid tent from where the rest of the group was, and if they needed me to come back, the doctor had Phil's cell number. They eventually rejoined us, as well, when they had partaken of all of the warm Gatorade their bodies could handle...

The major turning point for me, during the Sacred Assembly, was a song I'd never heard before. It was called "Words to Build a Life On"... I think. At any rate, I do not have the lyrics right now, but I sent a message to the guy who I presume is the author of this song, and when I do have lyrics... or music... or whatever, I will share it.

There is something amazing about reading Scripture aloud and singing to God alone for hours on end! I was not ready for this time to be over when it was...

We spent some more time as a group, munched more sandwiches and snacks, and made our 1/2 mile trek back to the bus. We did not stay until sunset. I would have liked to, but it didn't seem to be the best choice in our particular set of circumstances...

I know that this writing has not done justice to what I actually experienced at Paradise. It was very personal and internal. I would definitely do it again (minus the sunburn).

Lisa

I Have Heard it All...

... Before

Lisa

Book Review, "Dawn's Light"...

Well, it's been a while since I've reviewed anything. If you have read any/all of the Restoration Series by Terri Blackstock, and if you intend to read the fourth and final book, "Dawn's Light", then you may not wish to read beyond this point. The review will be full of spoilers, so... really... if you don't want to know what happens, read the book first and then come back to read and comment on my review of it! This is your last chance! If you don't want me to spoil the plot line for you on this one, then STOP READING NOW!!!

***************************************************************************************

Over the past few years, I have become a huge fan of Terri Blackstock. I appreciate her writing, and her stories are inspiring. They are the kind of books that you simply cannot put down, so you find yourself closing the back cover at 2 am. "Dawn's Light" was not an exception to this late night rule. The Restoration Series has been an interesting one to follow. I have heard other Blackstock fans say that they did not like the series as well as some others she has written. I feel that the Restoration Series was definitely penned from a different perspective than some of her other works, and the depth of spirituality was beyond what I would have expected. I absolutely loved "Cape Refuge" and "Newpointe 911". I loved the Restoration Series, as well, and re-read the first three books before I cracked the cover on the new one...

One thing that I always appreciate greatly is when an author is not afraid to kill her main characters. This takes guts. Unfortunately, it has become somewhat of a pattern for Blackstock to kill, maim, or somehow compromise the integrity of beloved characters when she reaches her final book in a series. This is OK... just predictable at this point.

In the Restoration Series, Beth Branning's death was foreshadowed throughout. I am writing this knowing full well that Blackstock, herself, may claim that she didn't know she would kill Beth Branning until the final heartbeat, and that may well be true. As I mentioned above, I do not have a problem with killing main characters. I do, indeed, have a problem with the fact that Blackstock took 197 pages of her 406 page novel to drag us through the brutal beating and murder of a 13 year old child. And that doesn't even consider the stalking before...

Perhaps I am just getting soft, and a good murder mystery doesn't appeal like it used to, but I have read review after glowing review of this book, and I have to stop and wonder if these are written by the same readers who hated Dee Henderson's "The Witness" because of the quick and somewhat unexpected death of one of the main characters. (If only they'd read the back cover carefully before picking up the book)...

There were a couple of other problems with "Dawn's Light", for me, as well. Did we really need to see the return of Craig... again? I think Blackstock brought him back just to convince us all that he really was "saved". The plot of "Dawn's Light" could have stood alone without re-inserting the ex-fiance' on the intended night of Mark's proposal. It was just extra dramatic fluff...

Also, speaking of tying up loose ends, we all knew that Brad Caldwell would also have to "get saved" before the series could close. Of course, it is Beth's death that is the catalyst for this, and then the grieving Branning family suddenly sees the purpose in God's sovereignty, and what... all is well? It was unreal, but hey, that's why it's fiction, right?

I am well aware that this review will be highly offensive to some, either because they loved the book or because they feel that my theology just took a leap off the deep end. Please understand, I'm not exactly knocking evangelicalism here, but the abruptness of events that ended this series was amazing after we took half a book to kill a child.

The more I think about the finale to the Restoration Series, the more I think it would have sat better with me had it been split down into two novels. But it wasn't, so there's my opinion.

Oh, and for those who are interested in technicality... There were a whole lot of typos.

Lisa

Happy 4th Birthday Caleb!

Can that be right? Time flies, but that's nothing new. In some ways it's hard to believe that Caleb is already 4, but in other ways, it seems like he has been a part of our family forever, and we have often had to remind ourselves, "He's only 3..." so I guess it feels right...

Caleb had a great birthday! We have kind of strung it out over the past couple of weeks to be honest. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we celebrated at Shedd... Then, we celebrated again with Phil's mom and dad... Then, Phil took Caleb to see "Go, Diego Go" live, as a "Daddy time" thing, but also as an early b-day thing... And finally, the big day arrived!

We spent the morning playing at the park and taking pictures, which was a lot of fun. This is the first time I have ever decided to take one of my children's b-day pictures myself. I think they turned out well. I am posting a few (translates a lot):
In the afternoon, we ate at "The Fishy Restaurant" (AKA Long John Silvers), because Caleb has wanted to go there ever since he saw the big goldfish on the outside of the building. We enjoyed it far more than we thought we might, and Caleb certainly did, because he informed us that he is going to choose "The Fishy Restaurant" for all of his birthdays!


In keeping with the nautical theme, I made a "Finding Nemo" cake, which Caleb liked... but he said it didn't look like a cake... go figure...
After the cake and ice cream, Caleb opened his presents, which were mostly Thomas the Tank Engine related... of course...
We pulled as many things out of their boxes as possible, and then we rushed off to Seth's baseball game, where Grace, Caleb, and Ian played on the playground while Seth practiced...

And then proceeded to whine while Phil and I tried to watch the game...

Upon returning home, we watched "Finding Nemo"... But Caleb fell asleep about 3/4 of the way through... which is just a shame, since I will now have to watch it again with him (I love the movie)... It was a good end to a good day...

Lisa