It Could Only Happen To Me...

... I think!

Yesterday was an interesting day of sorts, from start to finish. I found myself alone with my "little guys" (Caleb and Ian) around 12:30, and after Caleb's music class we decided to make a trip to finish up some Christmas shopping and pick up groceries (for which we were long overdue because of our outrageous schedule as of late).

So we arrived at Wal-Mart around 3:30 and proceeded to spend the next three hours picking up the things we needed. Our cart was packed, and we were all rather tired and hungry when we stepped into line at the checkout lane...

After what seemed like an eternity (at the time), everything was scanned, and I swiped my credit card to take care of the "damage"... and the cash register beeped and spit out this little receipt that said my credit was denied... Since I was using a card that had no balance whatsoever until I purchased twenty bucks worth of gas earlier in the day, I figured this must be a mistake, and I ran it again... beep... silly little piece of paper denying my credit again... Now, this would ordinarily not be an issue, because I almost always carry several cards with me, and in the event that something is wrong with one of them, I just switch cards. I usually carry my bank card with me too, and most of the time there is enough money in my checking account to cover such a purchase. Unfortunately, the reimbursement checks that had been deposited earlier in the day hadn't yet cleared, and Phil had my other card, so neither of those two options existed...

Clearly frustrated... and embarrassed at this point... I told the cashier that I would have to call my credit card company... at which point everyone else in line kind of snickered and retreated to different checkout lanes... (I could just hear them thinking nasty things about the poor, fraudulent, pregnant lady with two little kids who couldn't afford her groceries)...

After working with two customer service representatives who couldn't speak English fluently (and let me just take a little rabbit trail here to say that I am not one of those people who hates immigrants or anything, and I don't feel like people should have to learn English to become citizens, either, but I do not understand why someone would be hired in communications if they cannot speak English), I was assured that they had thought that my card was stolen (apparently a $20.00 charge for gas was outside of my normal spending habits), and that I would need to provide my social security number, mother's maiden name, and rights to marry my firstborn child before they could unsuspend my credit card (with no balance and plenty of credit limit). I, of course, granted them this information and was assured that my card could be used immediately.

And so I hung up the phone and swiped my card, resulting in another (now irritating) little "beep" and a stupid little slip of paper, again denying my credit...

At this point, I am certain the cashier thought I was just talking into the air and making up a ridiculous story in an attempt to get out of the store with free merchandise. Of course, this is outrageous, because I am not so stupid as to think that Wal-Mart would ever let anyone out of one of their facilities without charging them an arm and a leg (which I might have offered at this point if I thought it would help)...

Tried the card again, just for kicks... "beep"...

And so now my only option was to suspend my order and try again in 5 minutes, hoping that the transaction would go through...

Pulled Ian (surrounded by Wal-Mart bags in the cart and now screaming), and Caleb (who had been taking a little ride on the spinning bagging area thing) to the back of the line and waited, only to find that 5 minutes later the freaking card still wouldn't work, and to top it off, they couldn't suspend the order a second time, so now I either had to leave the store without anything or come up with another plan. I decided it was worth holding up the line (which, of course, quickly dispersed for a second time) and called the credit card company again...

This time the customer service rep. did speak English, and I didn't let him off the phone until the order cleared... which it did... provided that I could offer some photo evidence of my identity... which you would think I could... if only I could find my driver's license... which, of course, I couldn't...

After searching through everything in my purse and wallet... twice... my license finally appeared, and I was released with my two wiggly children and my $400.00 worth of Wal-Mart crap...

As I neared the exit, I though to myself, "If the security alarm goes off, I am going to scream!" And wouldn't you know it, as I walked through the door I heard in a lovely, computerized, tone something to the effect of, "Please step back... we think you have stolen items in your cart"... (OK, so that's an exaggeration), but the alarm really did go off, and I really did have to go back inside. I did not, however, scream, as I thought I would...

Ian, who had stopped screaming, started again almost immediately...

I was asked if I had any electronics, DVDs, etc. and the answer was no. I didn't. Ya know, except for the dozen or so Wii systems I had stuffed in my shoes... (I didn't say that... wanted to, but didn't)... Usually they just let you go at this point, but oh, no... Instead this man took my receipt and started going through it, looking for what might have set off the alarm. It was at this point that a nice lady pointed out to me that our package of pull-ups was dragging underneath the cart (I had put them there after they were scanned at the checkout lane), and I thanked her and returned them to their original place. Then another customer comes up to me, gets in my face, and asks (in an accusatory, whiny sort of voice) if the pull-ups had gotten stuck under the cart before I went through the checkout. The evil Lisa wanted to take her by her throat and shake her, assuring her that it was worth my time and effort to steal a fifteen dollar package of nighttime diapers after paying for the rest of my merchandise... The nice Lisa said, "No, I put them down there after they were scanned." The she left...

Finally, the Wal-Mart greeter guy found the ten dollar Dora the Explorer watch (a birthday present) that was setting off the alarm. He deactivated it, and we were finally free to go out into the cold, dark night... (Caleb and I had not yet put on our new, really ugly coats that cost $7.00 apiece, but that is a lovely story for another time)...

As I exited the store, I thought, "Ya know... I will probably pop the trunk to put these bags in and find a dead body... It just would have topped it all off... All I found was a dozen basketballs from the church league practice...

The boys and I then made a valiant effort to eat at Texas Roadhouse, but decided that the wait was far too long for one crabby pregnant lady and two sleepy kids... We ended up at Chili's, where Ian ate virtually nothing and Caleb enjoyed pizza. I don't know why, but a couple of times a year I forget how sick I get every time I eat at Chili's and I give in to the temptation. I should have taken Caleb's suggestion and split a chicken basket with him at DQ...

We finally got home, put our things away, and went to bed...

Please, can't someone come up with a realistic way to do grocery shopping on-line...

Lisa