Sometimes I Wonder…

… If this is really what I was created for…

It’s just been one of those days…

It didn’t really start out that bad… I mean, I managed to take a bath, wash my hair, put a minimal amount of make-up on, find clothes for the kids, and practice the song that Phil and I were to lead off worship with (twice)… all in about an hour. Ian’s socks didn’t match, but nobody’s perfect…

At this point, I turned my attention to throwing together what I needed for children’s church. The project supplies were in the new dining room, and as I was getting them I noticed that Ian was with me… and that he had shut the French doors behind him… and I just thought, “Oh, Ian… you didn’t”…

Now, this might not seem like that big of a deal to most people, but here’s the thing… Our new dining room is almost finished, but it is still a work in progress. There are only handles on the living room side of the doors, and to get out of the dining room, you must pull (not push) the doors… and they latch!

For the next three minutes, Ian pushed on the doors (even though I told him it wouldn’t work), while I screamed at the top of my lungs for Seth, Grace, or Caleb to let us out… They could not hear me over the Christmas music that was blaring in the kitchen. Thankfully, Seth finally made his way to the living room (only Heaven knows why), and I managed to catch his attention… He let us out… I considered the fact that my voice was now hoarse, and for a fleeting moment wondered whether or not I should put Ian back in the dining room… then I remembered that the good china is housed there…

Even though I have determined to wear shoes more often this winter, I started looking for my flip flops, because I didn’t think my tennis shoes would make a fashion statement with my dress (which, by the way, was a maternity dress, because I am still quite overweight from having Miah… and remember this, because it is important to a later part of this story)…

As the minutes ticked away, I decided that maybe the tennis shoes weren’t the worst option, and I put them on… without socks… I knew, instinctively, as I did this that I had just committed wardrobe suicide, because everyone in this church greets me with eye to foot contact, just to see whether or not I’ve given up on the flip flops for the winter… But I had to get moving…

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to digress, but last week… about fifteen minutes before we were supposed to sing… I realized that my keys were locked in the van and had to call the church to see if someone could find Phil… steal his keys… and bring them to me. George, our Senior Pastor, showed up at the back door within minutes. I am sure that is just what he needed to be doing (rescuing crazy woman with five children who also happen to be Associate Pastor’s family) right before worship… Thanks, George…

Today, I had my keys in hand. This is only useful if the doors aren’t frozen shut…

I am almost sure that as I pushed and pulled and grunted and snorted that I said something like, “You have got to be kidding me!” Seth said, “Let me try, Mom,” and in the world of cartoon animation and corny movies, it always works, so I stepped aside. Seth pushed and pulled and then said, “I can’t get it either.” I let out a scream (not an angry one, mind you… just kind of exasperated), and then Seth and I looked at each other and started cracking up and almost fell in the snow… I don’t think Miah found it all that funny. Grace, Caleb, and Ian were still in the house…

I finally did manage to get enough doors open to get everyone in the van.

An uneventful drive to “building church” was followed by the realization that there was only one parking spot left, and it was over ice… I took it.

When I got out of the van, I realized that the ice wasn’t all that frozen and that the kids were now going to have to exit into a slushy puddle. I informed them that Mommy just played a game of “Don’t Break the Ice” and lost. They thought that was hilarious… I didn’t, really, but I laughed anyway as I propelled them across the puddle, one by one, and realized that Seth and Grace are really getting too heavy for this. Grace proceeded to whine about how cold it was while I stood almost ankle deep in freezing cold water and got everything else we needed out of the van.

The kids ran in the door.

I took a deep breath and tried to think of something funny to say to the first person who commented on my tennis shoes… or my coat (which I haven’t mentioned until this point, because I like coats about as much as I like shoes… which isn’t very much. If you’ve seen the commercial for Head and Shoulders where the lady is wearing a huge, ugly, black coat and the announcer exposes the myth that “black is always flattering”… well… that’s my coat)…

I crossed the threshold and lost the coat (leaving me, of course, in my sleeveless maternity dress, which I thought was maybe the first good choice of the day, since it caused people to comment on how cold my arms must be; taking the attention away from my feet altogether!)

I dropped Miah off at the nursery, and almost immediately ran into a college aged girl who used to be part of our ministry to teenagers. She had her baby with her, whom I have only seen once before. I commented on how cute the baby is. The girl patted my tummy! This is awkward for me when I am pregnant. Awkward doesn’t even really describe the feeling when I am not pregnant… which I am not! The only thing I could think to do was to be honest, so I said, “There’s not a baby in there. That’s just baby fat. If you want to see my baby, she’s in the nursery.” What else can you really say?

I talked with a few more people here and there, and got ready to enter the sanctuary, take the stage, and sing the song I wasn’t sure I could sing with my waning voice… Remembered I was sucking a cough drop… almost spit it out in the aluminum can collection basket that is for raising funds for the Haiti mission trip (oops)… found a regular trash can (thanks, Ruth)… and took my position again…

Only to see Phil coming down the hall, who said something to the effect of, “Oh good… you’re here! You’re wearing your tennis shoes?” Good one, Phil…

I wish I could say that the rest of the morning wasn’t as interesting…

Every kid except ours who was at Children’s church is going on vacation somewhere cool for Christmas.

Miah was distraught in the nursery, and I finally had to flip my stupid dress around backwards to nurse her… long story… She also showed up at church with only one sock and left with none… epic fail, Mommy… cold toesies…

At least one other person made a reference that made me think she also thought I was pregnant… I think I’m burning the dress… did I mention that?

And I find myself sitting here… typing to beat the band… trying to get this story out before we start phase 2 of this day… Please, oh please let the mini musicale, children’s Christmas party, and whatever else we end up doing tonight go a little more smoothly…

Oh wait… Ian just ran by wearing only pants… Here we go again!

Lisa