This Week...

In some ways it was harder than I thought, and in some ways it was easier than I’d imagined.

It’s a little crazy how things kept coming together for me, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  So many pieces of my life have come together on the EMD campgrounds (I’ll share more of that in a minute), so why not this chapter of life?  It is where I go to listen to God.  I needed to be there this week.

But I have to be honest, there were some challenges.  Among them, was a detour.  Ironic:

For the first few days, I spent a pretty good amount of time being lost.  Later in the week, I had re-gained a grasp of the winding, jarring, dirt roads that used to be so familiar.  As I shared before, Ian and Miah thought we were on a roller coaster, at times… hands up, screaming, and all…  Maybe they have a more accurate understanding than I do…

But even on the roller coaster, God spoke:

God spoke through friends this week.  Maybe they know it, and maybe they don’t, but God spoke.  It is always a little unnerving when someone can anticipate the next words out of your mouth, and friends were finishing sentences for me that I didn’t even realized I’d started…  

God spoke through evangelists and worship leaders this week.  I have already shared some of those things in earlier posts, but the final one, from Friday night, was this:  “God doesn’t always answer prayer in the way we think He should”.  It’s not as if this is a new concept or anything, but Dr. Diehl brought a new perspective, for sure.

But maybe most interestingly, God spoke on the detour.  Go figure.  As I was driving, by myself, on Wednesday morning, these words resonated in my heart and mind, “I’m not taking away what you want, Lisa.  You can have stuff, or you can be happy…”

I’ll choose happy…

In recent days, I have had some trouble letting go of our current situation, because there are so many good memories.  Being on the campgrounds reminded me that the memories last far beyond the moments and places in which we create them.  And so… 

Yesterday afternoon after I recounted the story of how Phil and I met and first talked at one of the windows at the Gibson Center… and after I reminisced about the evening that Phil proposed to me out by the lake, while I sat on a tree stump… and after I thought about our first house out there on the grounds, and walking through the door after our honeymoon… and walking through the door with a newborn Seth… and then a newborn Grace…  I almost couldn’t start the van to leave.  There were some tears then, and if I’m honest, there are some tears, tonight.

But then God spoke again, through a song.  No kidding, this is what was playing when I pulled out of the campgrounds…

"Home"

By: Caedmon’s Call

So you asked, so I'm going
Here I am, never knowing
Where this horizon ends, and the next road begins
Or where I'll find you

It's getting dark and I'm a long way from home
But I can't stand spending this night alone
And I will sleep, my eyes to the east
And wait for the sun to come, home

I've gone to walkabout to find your face
The land I love, don't look the same
Look the same

So cover me like a blanket in the cold
You have given me this hand to hold
To help me up
'Cause I fall down

It's getting dark, and I'm a long way from home
But I will not spend this night alone.
I will sleep with my eyes to the east
And wait for the sun to come, home.

It feels something like I'm chasing the wind
I feel like this road has no end
But the end is you I know
So I chase on   

L. 

Fun Fair...

Now...  this is our kind of fair...  Five bucks per kid, cotton candy, sno-cones, games, candy prizes, inflatables, face paining, pony rides, petting farm, etc.  We can do that...  Well, I mean, except for the petting farm.  For those of you who don't know, I have a legitimate fear of petting farms.  I looked it up to find out if there is a name for it, but there is not.  I call it pettingfarmaphobia...

This was Just... Too... Cool:

Miah absolutely loved the pony ride...

No fear there:

Caleb was afraid to ride the horses,

but he enjoyed riding the bull:

As did Seth:

And Grace,

Although she accidentally pulled off one of the horns:

Miah and her Cotton Candy:

I can't decide if Seth is thinking of eating Ian's Sno-cone:

My Beautiful Girls:

Who would've thought

that when Phil proposed to me

almost 17 years ago

at that lake in the background

that this would be the result:

Ian finally found a bigger rock wall to climb:

And... That's a Wrap...

L.

Ready For The Next Adventure...

I have much that I need to say.  It is written on scraps of paper in my van and as bits of sentences in various scattered files.  I will get to it, but not today...

For now, how about some adventure pics from the past couple of days...  These are in no real, particular order:

 

 Seth Scaling the Rock Wall:

 This is the Trickiest Part of the Course!

He Did Make it to the Top:

Caleb's Turn:

On His Way Back Down:

 And Grace:

Pretty Much Free-falling on the Way Back:

 Ian was too Little for the Rock Wall...
We Had to Get Creative:

What Ian Did Enjoy...

Maybe More than Anything, Ever, In His Life...

Was My Friend, Judy's, Golf Cart:

Caleb, Jumping Hurdles:

 Seth On the Ropes Course:

And the Zip Line:

Grace on the Ropes Course:

 And the Zip Line:

Caleb and Ian...

Brotherly Love:

The Balloon Launch:

Ian lost his first balloon before the launch.  He cried.  A lot.  I was pretty impressed by one of the teens who came up to him and reminded him that these balloons had prayer requests on them, and that since his balloon went up first, God would see it first!  I'm not sure it was great theology, but it sure was a nice gesture for my sad, little guy.  This is the first balloon:

And... ya know... What's Campmeeting Without

The Snack Shack:

These were Single Scoops...

I Kid You Not:

 

L.

What We Hope For

By: Carolyn Arends

 

I remember waiting up till it got dark
Searching till I found the brightest star
Making my wish with all my heart
But we grow up and so do all our dreams
Somehow without us even noticing
We set our sights on lesser things
Oh, to go back when we still believed

That what we hope for
Is not too much to ask for
And what we pray for
Isn't nearly big enough
'Cause what we dream of
Cannot compare to God's love
And what He wants for us is so much more
More than what we hope for

We start out so innocent and wise
Before we cut the world down to our size
We still have that wonder in our eyes
So maybe that's why Jesus said to come
With the faith we had when we were young
Trusting in a world beyond this one
Letting our imaginations run

'Cause what we hope for
Is not too much to ask for
And what we pray for
Isn't nearly big enough
What we dream of
Cannot compare to God's love
And what He wants for us is so much more
More than what we hope for
More than what we hope for

And It Just Keeps Getting Better...

Thought of the day...

It's worse to be bitten by a sheep than a wolf.  Thank you, Dr. Diehl.

Today was just plain fun, to be honest.  There is nothing like hanging out with fellow minister friends and hearing stories about the awful stuff your husband did in high school.  Even if you've heard them before, they never... ever get old!  Thanks Melissa and Russ for rescuing us from the mostly metal play structure when the lightning started flashing!

We did have fun at the playground, though... for about 30 minutes:

 

Nothing like old friends, either.  I hadn't seen Erin in almost seven years, and we really hadn't had a chance to sit down and talk in about a dozen.  It's true that real friends are the ones who can go that long between visits and just pick up where they left off.  I am, however, not planning to go that long between visits again.  I have no idea who she will let wear the bridesmaid dress from my wedding if I don't keep tabs on her (personal, private, inside joke that almost has me in tears, because it's so funny every time I think about it):

Finished up my night at a coffee shop, with Katie, who is often the highlight of my Michigan visits.

This day has left me with a smile on my face and much to ponder...

The Cost
By: Rend Collective Experiment

I'm saying yes to You
And no to my desires
I'll leave myself behind
And follow You

I'll walk the narrow road
'cause it leads me to You
I'll fall but grace
Will pick me up again

I've counted up the cost
Oh I've counted up the cost
Yes I've counted up the cost
And You are worth it

I do not need safety
As much as I need You
You're dangerous
But Lord You're beautiful

I'll chase You through the pain
I'll carry my cross
'cause real love
Is not afraid to bleed

Jesus
Take my all
Take my everything

I've counted up the cost
And You're worth everything

L.

This Day...

… sort of ordinary, really.

Minus, of course, the two carsick kids… and the detour in my hometown that cost me quite a few minutes and more than a little embarrassment when I got lost three times… and the realization that my kids really don’t understand the art of driving on dirt roads (this was made excessively clear when both Ian and Miah threw their arms up (and kept them up) because they thought we were on a roller coaster…

Stop “doing the best you can”.  Look where doing the best you can has gotten you.  You can’t do it on your own.

Don’t say, “If only…”

Don’t say, “What if…”

You can’t change the past, and there’s no sense worrying about the future.

“This Day” By: Point of Grace

This day is fragile soon it will end

And once it has vanished, it will not come again

So let us love with a love pure and strong

Before this day is gone

This day is fleeting when it slips away

Not all our money can buy back this day

So let us pray that we might be a friend

Before this day is spent

This day we're given is golden

Let us show love

This day is ours for one moment

Let us sow love

This day is frail it will pass by

So before it's too late to recapture the time

Let us share love, let us share God

Before this day is gone
Before this day is gone 

L.

PS  Everyone on a pilgrimage is a little crazy... hmmm... no wonder...

Looks Like...

... a good week to me:

L.

Panem et Circenses…

This post.  It’s been coming for a long time.  I’m not sure I can get it all out, eloquently, but it is what it is.

For weeks, I had Caedmon’s Call’s song, “High Countries” rolling around in my head.  So much so, in fact, that I picked up C.S. Lewis’, “The Great Divorce” and re-read it some dozen years after it first crossed my path.  And the theme that just kept playing, over and over again, was a question.  “What are you holding onto?”  And maybe more accurately, “What hell are you clinging to at the expense of heaven?”  Ouch.

It’s not so easy for me to get “comfortable” with my surroundings, and I think that what I’ve learned about myself over the past couple of years is that if I do get comfortable, I dig my heels in.  And I’m not going to go around lamenting everything that’s happened in that time frame or living with regrets.  The truth is, I should have dug my heels in when I did.  But maybe I’ve let them drag for a little too long at this point.  I’m human.

A stark reality hit me the other day, and I almost hate to admit it, but here goes nothing.  I’m comfortable here, but I don’t love this place.  This is how I know…

Let’s take a little trip back in time – oh, say, 2002-2003 or so.  I loved where I was then.  I was committed to ministry.  I was committed to my community.  I was committed to ministry in my community!  Oh to re-capture the early twenty-something, girl on fire, taking the world by storm mentality!  But this is the more important thing - I would take walks on a regular basis and pray for the people who lived in the houses I was passing, even though I didn’t know them… even if I never saw a result.  I don’t think I have ever done that here, and I’ve lived here more than three times as long.

I’ve had a tendency to wax philosophical in mid-late July these past few years.  I think that maybe, just maybe, it’s the never-ending circus music or the smell of funnel cakes that causes this.  They repulse me.  And I know… I know… I just lost half of my Facebook friend list, but stay with me.  I was not made for Circus City, U.S.A.  I know that now.

Miah and I took a walk downtown the other morning.  We walked through the blocked off streets, quiet with fair rides and deep fried food that wouldn’t be available for hours.  For a variety of reasons, we took this walk when no one was there... when it was empty:

And I asked myself questions.  “Why don’t you love this place, Lisa?”  It’s been “home” for almost six years.  “Would you feel differently about this place if you grew up here?”  Maybe.  “Wait – why would you want your kids to grow up here, then?”

Life has always been more than bread and circuses for me.  I’m not satisfied with inconsequential means of appeasement.  I’ve been told that I’m never satisfied, and it’s probably true.  You cannot distract me by meeting my immediate, superficial requirements.  I don’t pacify.  And if you think, for one moment, that this is an easy life to live; think again.  The easy life is the one consumed with the ride.  And the truth is - you can’t reach those people.  They’re not ready.  They might never be ready.  Please don’t misunderstand.  Rides can be fun… for awhile.  But over the course of a lifetime?  I’d rather take a journey. 

Now, if you want to hear an honest to the core confession, I don’t want to walk away from the memories here.  I start to tear up if I think about it for very long.  But I think I need to let go now.  I don’t want this place to define me.  I don’t want to embody this theme.  I don’t want to “fall to pieces” over something shallow when I could have something solid.  And it’s harder than I think.

Next week I’m going to have the opportunity to spend an extended amount of time in a place where my life was shaped, formed, and changed forever.  I need that.  I’m really not looking for a “do over”, but a fresh start would be nice.

It’s been a good ride:

L.

 

May All Your Days... Be More Than This:

I Love School Supplies...

Yes, I know I'm a dork.  I came to terms with this years and years ago.

And I'm not in any hurry to rush the summer along.

But they just look so nice... and fresh... and new sitting there ready to enhance our learning experiences in the Fall:

Uh... yeah.  We're going back to that "dork" thing...

L.

Glasses Day, Part Two...

We picked up Grace's glasses, today, since she was at camp last week.  She is having a much better experience than Caleb had.  Immediately upon putting them on, she could see everything more clearly and was a little amazed!  We are very happy with the outcome, and she is too cute:

We have an appointment for tomorrow to hopefully get something that will work better for Caleb, but he's being a trooper.

L.