If I Die First...

Today I ran across a blog post titled, "10 Requests for My Husband Should I Die First".  I am 99% sure it was supposed to be (mostly) funny.  It was written by a popular "mommy blogger".  It has thousands of "likes" on Facebook.  I chuckled a couple of times, myself.  But then I thought to myself, if I could make ten requests of my husband, should I die first, I would not have to waste several of them on instructions for our children's personal hygiene.

I got in pretty deep a couple of months ago when I made a Facebook post confessing that I had told Phil who I thought he should marry if I died first.  My mother-in-law actually told me that she thought I should take it back.  I told her no.  I'm not taking it back.  Let's be real.  If I die first, Phil doesn't have to follow any of my preferences.  But, I think I'll put a few out there, anyway. 

1.  Do not spend a lot of money on my funeral/burial.  I don't want to be cremated, but seriously, bury me cheap.  If you really feel the need to add a little sparkle, glitter is cheap.  But please remember that under no circumstances should there be terrible music at the funeral.  Loud, angry, angsty music will do.  I own plenty of it.  There are no excuses here.

2.  The day after the funeral, throw the children in the van and go to Disney World.  Have fun.  Laugh.  Cry if you have to.  We did that at Disney, sometimes.  Do all of my favorite stuff, and talk about all of the good memories, but for goodness sake, don't lie!  It's OK to talk about the complete meltdown I had in New Fantasyland when I couldn't deal with all the changes or how mad I got that one time about the ice cream cone, and you should definitely point out all of the places we've vomited on Disney property.  Be real.  But, you know, be magical, too.  You might skip the Haunted Mansion on the first trip... Just sayin'...

3.  Use my name.  Keep pictures up.  Tell stories.  Watch videos.  Don't ever let these things become taboo.  This might be my most selfish request.  But, remember me. 

4.  Don't delete my many, many, many documents that are bits and pieces of things I've written, but don't try to read them all right away, either.  You may want them someday.  The kids may want them someday.  I may be famously published posthumously someday.  Just save it all somewhere.

5.  But don't save all my stuff.  Make sure you keep enough for the kids to all have things that remind them of me, but give a lot of it away to people who need it.  I think it's pretty obvious, though, that no one needs my purple flower pants.  Hang my purple flower pants in Grace's closet. 

6.  Your inclination to be alone will be strong.  Surround yourself with community, anyway.  The kids will desperately need this.  Our quiz family will almost assuredly be the greatest support after blood related relatives.  Go to every quiz, even if you really don't want to.  Go even if the kids can't focus to study.  Those people will hold your arms up.

7.  Make sure the kids call and/or email my parents on a fairly regular basis.  I know it's difficult to get in contact with them, but they are their grandparents.

8.  Date.  It wasn't too long ago that our oldest three children expressed that if I died first they thought you would basically never leave the house again.  They thought I would find someone to "go out to lunch with" if it was the other way around.  Remember that.  Go out to lunch.

9.  Get married again.  This would be so much easier than you think.  Do you have any idea how many people I have told how awesome you are?  Many of them would kill for a husband like you.  So, be careful (I hope that's not how we got to this point).  The kids are the deal breaker.  She must adore the children.  All five of them, even though Miah has always wanted an evil stepmother.  Some of the kids won't like it.  Show them this.  She must adore you, too.  When the kids grow up and move out, you'll still have to like each other.

10.  Remember that God is good, even when life sucks.  Remember when I said, "God has never failed us yet, I don't expect today to be the day he starts".  It's still true.  God is near. 

Well, crap, that was awful!  After writing it, I think I now understand why someone might want to write a humorous post instead... 

L.