What My People Think Of Me...

I recently saw a questionnaire circling on Facebook.  It included 14 questions to ask your children about yourself.  I thought it would be fun to do this, and honestly I wish I had done something like this every year of their lives, once they learned to talk.  The results were fascinating to me.  After asking them these questions I turned to (or maybe on) Phil and asked him, as well.  I don't know if I should suggest this, or not.  I mean, it worked out well for us, but I can see how it could be ugly...

I've thought over whether or not I want to include all of the raw data or if I'd rather share some general principles I've discovered.  I think, mostly, that I will go with general principles, although I have included a few specific answers, as well. 

1.  What is something I always say to you?

The answers to this question ranged from, "I love you," to "Clean your room," to, "Stop fighting with [redacted]!"  My favorite answer, though, came from Seth (age 15), "What's something you always say to me?  You always say, 'goodnight'".  I especially liked this answer, because it highlights a point of connection that we have every day.

2.  What makes me happy?

As soon as Ian (age 9) said, "baklava," I knew we were in trouble.  Almost every answer for the rest of the survey (for him) incorporated baklava in some way.  For example, his answer to question 11 (What is something I'm not good at?) was, "Not eating baklava".  He's right.  If it's available, I'm not good at that.  Interestingly, Miah (age 5) answered that she makes me happy (which is true), while Seth and Grace (age 14) went with "coffee", even though I have only been drinking it since September.

3. What makes me sad?

I was happy to discover that my three youngest children had no idea.  They all answered, "I don't know".  I feel good about this, because it means that they have not often seen me sad.  Seth had a pretty good runner up answer, with "cats".  But Phil really got at the heart of it when he said, "The loss of possibility and what I mean by that is just whether it's a broken or lost relationship or thing or place, it brings you great sadness".  Yes.  That's it.

4. How do I make you laugh?

Miah was so matter of fact.  I make her laugh, "by being funny".  Ian said, "I don't think you've ever made me laugh.  No offense, right?"  I laughed.  I might tickle that kid, tonight. 

5. What was I like as a little girl?

Caleb (age 11) exclaimed,  "What?  How am I supposed to know?"  As it turns out, three of his four siblings agreed with this sentiment.

6. How old am I?

None of my children know how old I am.  Ian is the clear winner, though, with, "Uh... 26?  I think." 

7. How tall am I?

Seth, Grace, and Phil all had it right at 5' 7".  Caleb was close at 5' 6".  Miah said, "18".  Clearly, we need to work on measurement...

8. What is my favorite thing to do?

This was an interesting one.  I love how loved Miah must feel.  She said that my favorite thing to do is "Snuggle with me (her)".  Then we had this range of things like reading, eating baklava, eating chocolate, and vacationing.  I guess I would have said, "vacationing," myself.  But I thought Seth was pretty spot on, as well, with, "Get in warm fuzzy sweatpants and drink coffee and check Facebook".  He knows me.

9. What do I do when you're not around?

Caleb and Ian both thought this question was ridiculous!  They both said, "How am I supposed to know?  I'm not around!"  "Your stuff on your computer" and "talk to Dad" also made the list.

10. What am I really good at?

Miah's answer had me in stitches.  She thinks I am good at making my bed.  Perhaps she was speaking philosophically?  She also thinks I am good at doing stuff.  Well...  good to know.  Cooking and taking pictures were both mentioned as well as, "Being queen of the world".  Train your children well, friends...

Between this question and the next, it is obvious that I have an amazing husband.  He sees me so much differently than I see myself, but I'm going to hang onto his words, anyway, because they are often exactly what I need.  Phil said, "What are you not good at is the better question.  I know you're going to ask me that in a minute.  You're good at everything.  You have such depth to your life and who you are, and I think that echoes through everything else, and yes, you're talented at a bajillion (how awesome is that) things.  There's nothing you can't do, but it's not the things, themselves.  It's the depth to all of that.  Gosh, I love that about you".

11. What is something I'm not good at?

Miah says, "nothing".  I love that when you're five it is possible to think your parents are perfect.  Just sayin'.  Caleb, however, was silent for several minutes.  Several minutes, people!  After a huge sigh, he then said that I am not good at "staying calm".  He's right.  I'm not.  Grace asked, "Do I have to answer this one?"  Followed by, "You're not very good at listening to other people's opinions when you're stubborn."  Teach honesty.  If you do, you will be able to use your children as mirrors.  She, also, is right.  And then there's Seth.  He is so practical.  Seth said that I am not good at, "Looking at a tumbleweed for more than five seconds without screaming".  Truth.  Again.  I'm working on it.

My favorite answer of the day, though, was Phil's, "I think the things we're not good at are so often just a flip side of the things we are good at.  I mean, I could easily come up with a cop out, like you're not good at mowing the lawn.  Because you're not good at mowing the lawn, because you're allergic to grass.  But if you weren't allergic to grass, you'd probably be great at mowing the lawn!  You'd be out there all the time, trimmed perfectly and everything.  I'm going to say this, but I've gotta clarify it.  I'm just going to say, "patience".  But, I don't mean that in many things and every time, because there are a lot of things you've endured.  I mean, endurance... you've got more than anybody that I know, so it's not that kind of patience that I mean.  It's that moment that's like 'snap to, boom', like this...  Now I feel horrible.  It's not fun to answer to your spouse about stuff like this.  But I'll do it.  Because you asked me.  I hope you don't hate me now.  I love you.  Forgive me."

He is so cute.  Frankly, I think this should probably be our post that finally goes viral.  Who says this stuff?  But I do recognize exactly what moments about which he is talking.  I do have a tendency to reach a point at which I am done waiting, and whatever it is that is supposed to be happening had better be happening... now... with finger snapping and pointing and everything.  It's rather amazing how accurate my family was at communicating my greatest weaknesses.

12. What do I do for a job?

These answers probably stand best on their own.  Sometimes it's a sore spot.  But... yeah...  They get it...

M: Help People (Yes, yes I do.)

I: Take pictures for people, I think?  Geographer? (Apparently we are failing at vocabulary.)

C: Can you give me a further definition of job? (No.  I can't.) 

G: You're a philosopher, and a photographer, and a stay at home mom.

S: Look for a Job (ouch!)

13. What is my favorite food?

Phil said it depends on the mood I'm in.  Really?  Yeah, he's probably right.  Miah is too cute not to quote, "You've never 'telled' me that!  Um... Um... That's hard. Stouffers? Just FYI, Stouffers mac and cheese is Miah's favorite food.  We eat a lot of it.  Caleb did well with, "cheesecake", and there was mention of chocolate... and baklava... and coffee...  I'm not sure any of this is really food.  Maybe I've been lying to myself.  Maybe I don't like food...

14. What do you enjoy doing with me?

Grace's answer tops my list.  She likes, "Driving places".  Huh.  That's one of my favorite things to do with her, too.  Other children chimed in with cooking and video games, snuggling and playing.

I'm not certain anyone loved this exercise.  I laughed when we were done and Miah asked, "Did I do every one right?"  Of course she did...  well, minus the age and height, but those were objective.  Every other answer, though, they were about how she sees me.  And it was pretty good.  Now I sit here wondering how I might live life so that the answers are even better next year.

L.