I Miss My Mom...

This is one of those things I probably shouldn't post.

It's Mother's Day.

I had a beautiful day with my family.  There were a lot of highlights, and among the best were the moment when Grace found the wall art, mirrored keys I've been wanting for the living room (at half price no less) and decided she wanted to buy them for me, and when Caleb took me out for ice cream (using the gift card to DQ that he got for his birthday).  I enjoyed all 5 of my precious little ones, today, and it's interesting, but for whatever reason it meant more to me to be a mom today than to be celebrated for being a mom.

I called my mom.  I haven't talked to her in probably six weeks.  Nobody answered.  I left a message.

This is not unusual, and to be honest I haven't really tried to connect a whole lot in the past several years, because I'm sick of talking to the answering machine.  I have no doubt that I could try harder to be a "better" daughter.  It's not all about her. 

But tonight, she called me back.  I almost missed the call, too, because the kids forgot to tell me she tried to get through while I was putting Miah to sleep.  As it turns out, somebody arbitrarily told her to try again at 9:30, and that just happened to be a moment in which I was in the kitchen and heard the phone ring.

It's really hard for me to deal with the relational dynamics we have.  The last time I was "home" in Michigan, I had to throw the baby in a cart with my four big kids trailing behind to search for her at work, in Meijer, just to see her.  Today, when we stopped by a Meijer, Miah pointed at every sixty-something man and yelled, "Grandpa!"  She misses them, too...

So tonight I told my mom that I finished my degree program.  She asked me what my degree was in... twice... and finally asked what I could do with it.  I got the impression that she's glad that I'm done with school.  It was a good thing.  But writing about it is just coming up flat.

I'm really not sure why I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out, after having a good conversation with her.  Maybe it's because I know I probably won't talk to her for at least another month.  Maybe it's because I'm just praying that my kids will talk to me more often than that when they grow up...

L.

P.S.  Today would have been my Nana's 96th birthday, and I sure do miss her, too...