Raising Non-Conformists...

I really hadn't thought about it all that much until last week...

Ian... my 5 year old... is a real stink.  There's just no other way to say it.  I love him like nothing else in the whole world, but there are days when I flop into my bed at night... exhausted... from just looking at him! 

We recently made the decision to focus solely on Kindergarten with him next school year.  It was a tough choice to make, but I think I'm going to need every minute with him to make this work.  Consequently, we did not sign him up for music class in the fall. 

I received an e-mail from his music teacher, who is far and away the most patient person I have ever seen interact with Ian.  She told me that she hoped he would miss class so much that we would re-enroll.  She told me that Ian did not always participate, but that he had learned to not be disruptive, either.  And then she said something that struck a chord with me.  She said that she wasn't sure if you can use this word to describe a child but that maybe Ian is a non-conformist.

I have read the e-mail several times.  I have let the word, "non-conformist," roll around in my head.  I have studied Ian and thought about whether this word describes him well.  In the end, I know it does.  And here's the kicker...  I'm proud of that.

The more I thought about all of my children, the more it hit me.  We haven't just been randomly blessed with a little non-conformist.  We have intentionally raised a whole handful of them!  That's five, to be exact.

I find this sort of humorous, because to be honest I was raised to conform.  I feel like I was raised to fit in, but I'm not sure I ever really have... anywhere... and before you get all teary eyed over this let me make it abundantly clear that I am perfectly OK with that.  I like being a non-conformist.  It's not a disease!  It's who I am!

And I want my kids to fully embrace who they are.

Please don't misunderstand.  I don't want them to be disruptive.  I don't want them to be disrespectful.  I sure don't want them to be disobedient.  But I think we put a lot of pressure on kids that just isn't necessary.

I am especially interested, right now, in defining what things are really, truly important and what things aren't.  When Seth was maybe 2 years old, I started declaring that I was not going to fight with him over temporary stuff.  I have failed at this many times, but that's not the point for today.  Almost everyone I talked to about this concept was very supportive.  It's the kind of statement that looks great... on paper.  However, in recent days (years), he has decided that he does not want to have his hair cut... ever...  I'm completely fine with that.  Secretly, I like long hair on guys.  (Oops... guess I just leaked a secret on the World Wide Web)...  I have had people approach me on this subject.  It appears that long hair is a sign of the devil or something.  I surely hope these same people don't have artistic renderings of Jesus hanging in their homes, because He almost always has long hair...  Another kid made fun of Seth's "girl hair" the other day.  I think I will be forever grateful to the teenage girls and youth group leader who immediately came to his defense regarding his, "cool, Thor hair,"... not that he even knows who Thor is... Not that I did (I had to google it, just another prime example of my pop culture moron mentality)...  I did wonder if these comments would cause Seth to demand a haircut.  Not on your life...  It's OK!  He likes his hair.  We do have a few guidelines about keeping it clean and brushed when he goes out in public.  Everybody else can get over it.

I'm sure I could go into detail, example after example...

I could tell you things like I voted for Ron Paul in the primary, because when I got to the ballot box it suddenly annoyed me that the media wanted me to vote for Mitt Romney...  (No, really I just told you that because I have been carrying around bad voter's guilt for awhile now...)

I really do think we need to start determining what really counts, though.

And although I am a far cry from perfect and I sure don't have a corner on... well... most anything, I do know this one thing, for sure.  Character building matters a whole lot more than producing cookie cutter kids... and adults... and families...

Hmmm...  wonder if I could start a movement of non-conformists...  (oxymoron, right?)

Think on this, though...  An awful lot of the people who are the most determined to make everyone exactly the same would also claim to hold Scripture in high regard.  What about Romans 12: 1-2, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will" (NIV).

Do... not... conform! 

What really matters is the spiritual condition of our hearts.  Don't let this be just another one of those things that sounds good until you actually have to do something about it.  Live it.

L.