You're So Vain...

You probably think this post is about you…

And maybe it is…

And maybe it’s not…

I think I am still kind of egocentric. All of the psychology classes I’ve taken make it pretty clear that I should have outgrown this… oh… about a dozen years ago… but I haven’t… not completely…

The vast majority of the time, I think this is just a result of my overactive imagination that must somehow desire to be a people pleaser, deep down inside, even though I have never, ever been a people pleaser… in my whole life… ever.

I am, however, much better than I used to be at actually recognizing that other people exist and then going out of my way to help them in whatever way possible. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I have learned to do it, because people matter. And I don’t want to sit here patting my own back all day long, but anybody who really knows me also knows that I will run myself into the ground for the sake of others, and that I would give someone the shirt off my back if they needed it. Again… no credit to me… I haven’t always been this way… And, again… I have to think about it. It takes effort on my part… I am no angel…

But I do like helping people.

I’m going to be frank and admit that sometimes I get over-committed and it makes for a negative outcome for all of my work. I get whiny and start to complain. I am the first to admit that I do not “do tired” well… and I do not “do sick” well… and I am a picky eater! These can be pretty serious limitations. I do work hard, though… and I give 150%... and I am often the first one to arrive and the last one to leave (except for maybe my husband who works harder than anyone I know).

A little over two months ago, I decided to take a break. Actually, one of these days I am going to come back and dissect the phrase “take a break”, because it has grown a life of it’s own, and I really hate the phrase, but I did, indeed, decide to cut back on some (a lot) of my volunteer activities.

It was necessary, because I am currently very hugely pregnant and not feeling that amazingly great… (Please see above… does not do sick and tired well…)

The “people pleaser wannabe” in me wants to make a list, now, of all of the activities I have continued to participate in (sometimes against my better judgment or that of my doctor… who is my friend… so I can’t get away with as much as I might like… she will catch me)!

But it just occurred to me that I don’t owe anybody a list…

What I will say is this…

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA!”

There… I have said it… In fact I have yelled it in all caps… almost feels like the Lisa of old who didn’t mind if she stepped on a few toes (and seriously… If I stepped on your toes right now… It would hurt)…

I have learned… over many years of ministry… how to be humble (yep… I just said I’m humble… took that right from Moses…). And I have learned what it means to really care about people and the kinds of interactions and relationships that you must have with people in order to become a credible influence in their lives. I have learned to push… and to push… and to push until that amazing moment when you see someone finally grasp what it means to really follow Christ with their whole life. And I have learned to back off when it isn’t the right time. The hardest lesson I have learned is that I can’t force anything… on anyone… and that it’s not my job to save the world.

I have learned… to learn… from people who are older… and wiser… and more experienced than I am. And then I learned that lesson… again… when I thought I had it figured out… again. I have learned to take something positive from everyone I meet.

I have learned… to teach… people who are younger… and less knowledgeable… and inexperienced. And I know, with certainty, that if any of them are reading this, they may be offended… because I used to be there… I have learned to give something positive to everyone who will take it.

Everyone basically has a choice to make in life. It doesn’t have anything to do with whether you are a pessimist… or an optimist… an introvert… or an extrovert… It doesn’t even have anything to do with your personality or the way you were raised. Everyone has a choice whether to be part of the problem or part of the solution.

The way I see it, most people have no difficulty finding fault with the world. This is just human nature. But it’s what we do with those faults that really matters. And look… I know I’m not the answer… and neither are you…

But I’m all about transformation… And I’m all about making everybody welcome… and that’s a harder promise to fulfill all the time… But that’s primarily because people get selfish…

Ah… age old issue…

Lisa

Who's Business Is It, Anyway...

So I was thinking...

I like a good human interest story now and then. It is probably a good thing that I do not get TLC (or any TV stations, for that matter... except I really wish I had NBC right about now, because I love the Olympics and am currently stuck on my sofa bed with no hope of seeing them, but that's another story), because I would probably sit and watch TV all day long like a soap addict...

But the other night, I gave in and ordered the 19 Kids and Counting: Special Duggar Delivery episode through Amazon's TV on demand, because I just really wanted to see it...

19 kids... Wow... It's hard to even find the words for what I think about that. But does it really matter what I think about it?

I have found myself more and more frustrated, lately, about the fact that so many people seem to feel that it is their right to judge others based on their family size. The Duggars are the ultimate example, of course, because they have the biggest, well known family out there at the moment. And I do realize that they have set themselves up, to a certain extent, for criticism, because they are involved in reality TV, but when you watch them, you can't help but be impressed.

I guess this all came on the heels of some interesting comments... or lack thereof... that have been made to me (and a friend of mine) in recent months as our bellies have grown in epic proportions! And I began to think about how it's really nobody's business how many children we choose to have... except ours... and God's...

I got to thinking about how everyone was so thrilled when they found out I was pregnant with Seth... my firstborn. After all, Phil and I had been married for a whopping 2 1/2 years before we conceived him, so heaven knows most of our family and friends had given up hope that we'd ever have children (looking back on this, it seems so incredibly silly)... And let me tell ya that Seth's birth was such a major event that we even had to post a security guard at my hospital door while I was in labor so that people would leave me alone and let me deliver my baby in peace (and stop harassing my husband)...

When Seth was 4 months old, Grace was conceived. We announced her pending arrival and received comments like, "You're having another one?" You would really have to hear the tone of voice to understand how derogatory it was. But when people found out it was a girl, the tone changed a little bit, and it was more like, "Well, thank goodness! You'll have one of each and then you'll be done!" Uh... excuse me...

Most people probably don't know how difficult it was to conceive Caleb or how difficult it was to just "do life" at that time, but our announcement about our third child mostly brought eye rolls. We lived far away from family when he arrived, and the same people who were beating down the door during Seth's delivery (3 1/2 years earlier) waited months (some almost a full year) before they ever laid eyes on Caleb.

And then, when we told people about Ian it was kind of like, "Aren't you done yet? You need to do something about this!"

Now let me make it VERY clear that we had said all along that we wanted to have five children, so I always had a difficult time understanding why people were so opinionated and disgusted by it when we told them another one was on the way... Not that we owed anyone an explanation, but it really shouldn't have even come as a shock!

And then... several months ago now... we announced that Baby Princess #5 would be making her debut this Spring! At this point I have to say that we had an outpouring of congratulations, mostly from old friends and the friend we are closest to here. So when I talk about reactions, I'm not talking about these people... But in large part, we were met with absolute silence. We literally have relatives who have refused to even acknowledge that we are having another child! And I just keep thinking about how shallow this is (well... OK... I don't really think about it all that much, because it's not worth my time, but when I do think about it, it's irritating)...

I look back on all the comments about each of my children... and I think about all the recommendations for when to have children... and how to space them "properly"... and how many is just right... and how many is too many... And I think...

Seth is amazing! I love him with my whole heart, and I am so glad that God sent him at just the time in life that he did. I wouldn't trade him for the world. He has passions that are unique and amazing! He is good at so many things! I could never beat video games without his help! I can't imagine life without Legos all over the house and someone to roll my eyes at when all the math homework doesn't get done! Seth is so special! But our family would not have been complete with just him... God had a different plan...

And I ask...

What, exactly, would I do without Grace? Gosh, am I really supposed to be sorry that we didn't wait a couple more years before bringing another life into the world? She is my right hand, helping me at every turn when I need her. She is excellent at everything she does! It would break my heart if I didn't know that I would hear her belting out worship songs (sometimes a little off key) at some point tomorrow afternoon. And she keeps letting me believe in Tinkerbell even though I think she's finally figured out that she flies from a rope at Disney!

And then we should have just stopped, right?

And what? Missed out on the spinning ball of kinetic energy that kisses me up and down both arms before I walk out the door to the tune of, "Oh, Mommy, my precious Mommy, I'll miss you so much!" (and this when I am planning to be gone for less than 5 minutes to drop someone off or pick something up)? I don't think so. I might not even be here, today, if it wasn't for Caleb. I know I won't be the center of his universe forever, but there is just nothing like it in all the world, for now...

And Ian... How many 3 year olds are there who think to tell you that they love you... and they like you, too? Ian has always been easy to please and even easier to snuggle. Sure, he greets me with a sucker that he has climbed the kitchen cabinets to find when he wakes up every morning, but for a kid who asks for so little, it hardly matters! It wouldn't seem right to go through a day without reading his favorite stories... singing his favorite songs... and having a tickling match or two... or three...

In just a few weeks, we're going to be looking into another beautiful little face, and I won't be able to imagine life without her, either (actually, I already can't). And again, I stop and ask the family experts, which one should we have left out?

Now I believe in being reasonable, and even as write this I have mixed emotions, because I know this is almost without a doubt my last pregnancy. I really don't think my body can do it again, and I love the family I already have enough to want to be around as they're growing up. If I get to age 40 and find that I just can't live without another baby... well... at that point adoption would be my first thought... but I really don't think it's going to go down that way, because I (and we) have had this dream of five children for a whole lot of years now, and it's being fulfilled. You may find this strange, but I always wanted to have a boy... and then a girl... and then two boys... and then a girl... And what do ya know... the more I look back on it the more I realize that maybe it wasn't just me wishing for this... maybe it was the plan all along, and I just knew...

I'm pretty sure that when most people stop and look back on their families, they think similar things. For the Duggars... well I have to imagine that they can't even comprehend what life would be like without each of their 19 children... individually... not just as a number... And for families with only children (I was one by the way), I have to think that they look at their child in wonder and feel pleased with their family just the way it is... And it works that way for everyone and every number of children in between, because God has plans for every life that comes into this world.

I love my family... Wouldn't change it if I could... Wouldn't even think about it...

Lisa

The Grass Is Never Greener…

... And hindsight is always 20/20, except through rose colored glasses…

Many of you know that I have been working to put together a DVD of our Florida vacation from 2008. I finally finished it last weekend, and in the process I also came across the video footage from our “amusing” summer in 2007, which had never been burned to DVD. I decided it was a good time to take care of that, too…

And a funny thing happened (as it so often does)…

I have to honestly admit that I have not watched the 2007 DVD all the way through. I just happened to click on random video files here and there to make sure I had it all set up for burning… But as I did, a strange feeling came over me, and as I smiled at frame after frame I actually thought to myself, “I think that was the best summer of my life!”

Ahem…

Let’s take a little trip back to 2007, shall we?

I am rather certain that Phil thought I had gone stark raving mad when I looked at him and announced that I had just purchased season passes for Cedar Point and it’s affiliated amusement parks… and water parks (no small purchase for our family)! We currently had a five month old baby and were living in a paper mache’, government subsidized house on little to no income, depending on what was available at the time.

Further, we were basically disconnected from almost every friend we’d ever had, and we were completely without a group of Christ followers with which to spend time, worship corporately, etc. (You can read this, “We didn’t have a church” if you want to, but I have some strong feelings about the word church and how it’s used, so I’m not going to write it that way)…

By anyone’s outside assessment of our life, we were pathetic, and we had absolutely no business spending money (or plastic… or whatever) or having any kind of fun at all. And most of the time, we thought that, too…

But at some point I just snapped… clicked the “purchase now” button… and we were on our way to a summertime adventure that took us to the land of amusement many, many times… mostly on Sunday mornings…

Irresponsible? Yeah, maybe (and I’m not in any way encouraging anyone to spend money they don’t have, because heaven knows it isn’t a good plan to go into debt). But we were living in a very unique life experience, and I don’t regret what I did…. at all…

In reality, it was probably one of the worst times in our lives! And for the most part, I wouldn’t go back and do it all over again, because I know there was a great amount of stress and frustration involved.

But I learned a lot about life and living over the course of that summer, and even though I wouldn’t necessarily want to repeat it; I wouldn’t trade it for the world, either.

Many of you also know that I have written a book. It is not published… probably never will be… and I am seriously considering just releasing it one chapter at a time on this blog in the near future. The book is the prequel to the adventures of the summer of ’07. At some point, I fully intend to write about the full scope of what happened next.

But for now… let it suffice to say that sometimes it’s worth it to live on eggs, cheese, milk, and peanut butter in a house that you can vacuum completely from one outlet plug, without a clue as to where the next month’s rent is coming from… if… it also means that you can watch Hogan’s Heroes every night, make seasoned roller coaster riders out of your kids, create memories that last forever and bring a smile to your face, and are (most importantly) just exactly where God has paced you for that time in your life.

Now, 2 ½ years later, I find myself amazingly blessed with a house that is quite close to the house of my dreams (even though I am constantly thinking about how we could build an addition), and a stable job in ministry for my husband (even though I often miss him, because he puts so much into his work), and friends and classes and a real community for my kids (even though I sometimes complain about how busy we are and how exhausted I am). You would think that I would look back on the summer of ’07 and say something to myself like, “Gosh… that was awful! Look at where we are now!” But I don’t, because I have learned that the very best place to be… the only place to be… is where God wants you to be. And it doesn’t really matter what you have or what you don’t, as long as you’re there…

A good friend of mine recently made a status update to facebook that said, “If I'm not content with what I have...I will never be content with MORE...” What is there to add to that?

Philippians 4:11-13 says, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (NIV)

May we be content wherever God leads… And may we always be able to look back without regrets…

Our Family... Summer '07

Lisa

It's A Nightmare...

... To realize that people stand in the way of discipleship and spiritual growth with no regard for how that will affect the future, just because they have petty preferences and convoluted ideas.

I've been thinking about this a lot for the past couple of days...

I have made plenty of mistakes in my life. And I am not going to sit here in judgment against other people tonight. But something hit me like a ton of bricks early this evening...

And let me just say that as far as it depends on me, I am NEVER going to let another person be sacrificed in the name of God when what is really happening is a power trip about politics and money...

I will not be able to live with myself if 5 years from now I get a call about a dead kid who should have been living it up in the fullness of God's grace instead of sinking into the depths of despair. I am older now... and I have more experience now... and I am not afraid of what other people might think anymore...

A good friend of mine says that I breathe fire... He's kidding. But watch out, because these "kids" who pass through our lives every week mean an awful lot to me, and if you mess with them... and if you mess with their spiritual growth... I'm not afraid to fight you over it... and it might get hot...

Lisa

(May Brandon's death mean something to lives of other kids who need to know about Christ whether other forces fight against His message and the way it is taught or not.)

Happy 3rd Birthday Ian!!!

But didn't I just bring him home yesterday?

Man... my "baby" boy isn't much of a baby anymore... and he reminds me on a regular basis that he is a "big boy" now... but if I really beg him, he'll still admit that he is my baby...

We try so hard to make sure that Ian doesn't get jipped on his birthday. It's tough having a birthday the day after Christmas, ya know... This year was a little overwhelming for him, because there was so much fast traveling, and so many presents, and by the end of it all, I think we were all a little wiped out, and he was just... well... like I said, overwhelmed! By the end of his birthday present opening, he was tearing open packages two at a time and tossing things on the floor! It was kind of funny, but kind of sad, too. He was exhausted! We didn't even make it to Chuck-E-Cheese until close to 8pm, and we had to wake him up from a nap in the van when we got there. Ian was super pouty for the first half hour or so but then had some fun.

Last year, Ian had a Nemo and Squirt cake for his birthday, and he wanted more Nemo this year, so to make things a little different I made "Mr. Ray":

Ian also wanted orange ice cream... of which he ate about three bites, but he's not a real ice cream fan anyway! (Mommy will enjoy it in the days to come)...

We got some great b-day pics... even though I found it necessary to throw Ian out in the snow for about 10 minutes to get the outdoor ones taken care of (we almost never have outdoor b-day pics. of Ian for obvious reasons... the mail lady laughed at me, as she was delivering at the same time as I was freezing my toddler)!

Oh, how I love my little guy! Happy Birthday Ian!

Lisa

On Being Five...

Today we went to "Last Minute Madness II"... a shopping and laser tag trip with our youth group...

Since Caleb and Ian are both too young and too short to play laser tag, and I'm not all that good at it anyway (but with baby, I surely would have been super slow and continually getting shot), I decided to take my little guys to the mall while everyone else played...

I thought we were having fun, but not long into our trip, Caleb said, "Mommy... being 5 is no fun at all... I'm almost too little to do anything!" I hadn't realized until that point how badly he wanted to play laser tag...

So...

$60... trip to Build-A-Bear workshop...
$8... ice cream (and a raspberry lemonade julius for Mom)...
$5... ride on the second level of the mall carousel...

Having your five year old snuggle up close to you on an bench at the mall and say, "Mommy... I don't ever want to grow up"... priceless...

I only wish I had brought my camera to photo document our trip... Then again... It probably wouldn't have been the same if Caleb had stopped to pose every few minutes...

There are a couple of things about the mall that baffle me, though, such as...

What do Amish people do with the many bags of things they purchase at stores like Hollister and Aeropostale?

And do I really want to know why the very elderly man with a walker had a HUGE Victoria's Secret bag? Actually... that was kinda cute... I really wish I'd had the camera for that moment...

Lisa

PS... Our family had lunch at Cheddars, too... and I was wearing my sweats again... Yummy... but not so fashionable... L.

"The Princess And The Frog"...

... My take.

It's actually been kind of funny to watch and listen to the reviews rolling in about, "The Princess and the Frog". My hope was that I would read the review at www.pluggedinonline.com, find that it was unquestionably squeaky clean, and have a "girls night out" with Grace shortly thereafter. Not so on the plugged in review, so instead I got a date night with my husband, which is rare and always very welcome! We stuffed ourselves silly at Texas Road House and then headed to the theater to see if the alleged voo-doo and spiritual themes were really as bad as they sounded... And here's what we thought... (Spoilers throughout, so really don't read this if you don't want to know)...

First of all, I was a little concerned about the return to 2-D animation. I was afraid that it would make the quality of the film sub par to recent shows. However, this concern was very quickly dissipated (within the first minute of the movie), because the 2-D animation was, in fact, breathtaking! It was a return to classic Disney in which the fairy tale reigned supreme as entertainment. Visually, I was just as "wowed" as I was when I first saw Aladdin in the theater (17 years ago) with the new 3-D animation that blew me away...

I have to admit, I was also initially a little disappointed with the storyline. Here Disney takes their first animated African American leading lady ever and: #1 She'd not even a princess, #2 They set her in New Orleans, and #3 They turn her into a frog for the majority of the film. Somehow that didn't sit real well with me. Again, however, the story telling ended up being masterful... one of the best stories that Disney has produced in a long time... just amazing, really...

"The Shadowman" (main villain) was undoubtedly very evil. The use of voo-doo practices (including taking blood from the victim to create a spell and calling dead spirits) was quite authentic and frankly frightening (especially for young children). But it wasn't over the top, because the difference between good and evil was so stark. In fact, I was highly impressed by just how evil the Shadowman was, because it presented the opportunity to talk with children about the choices they make and how very important it is to avoid evil. I might make a comparison here to "Sleeping Beauty", in which Maleficent (classic Disney villain if ever there was one) invokes "all the powers of Hell" and is then defeated by the "Sword of Truth". Intense? Yes. Appropriate for small children? Absolutely not! A fantastic teaching tool for older children? You bet. In the end, the Shadowman meets his demise when the spirits pull him into the grave (pretty accurate when you mess with that kind of "magic"). But again, not for little kids...

There is also a good "witch doctor" of sorts, Mama Odie. In reality, she does little more magic than to look into a pot of Cajun gumbo and show Tiana and Naveen the importance of deciphering between their wants and their needs. She is about as "evil" as Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas) and looks a great deal like her, too. I was not disturbed by the role she played in the story.

Of great concern to some other reviewers has been the spiritual message that is conveyed by fervent wishing on a star. Uh... I kind of had to laugh about this. I mean, I did, indeed, pay careful attention to this theme, since other reviewers had found it so inappropriate, but my feeling on this particular point is that if you can't wish upon a star anymore, you really can't appreciate Disney magic. Further, directing the wishing (or even praying) heavenward seemed to make a meaningful parallel to the power that God holds. And I'm not saying that the star in the story was in any way worshipped as God. I'm just saying that it made for a reasonable comparison when discussing the importance of prayer with children.

Ironically (and let me take a step away from the review for just a minute), Grace asked me the other day if wishing on a star really works. And I told her that sometimes what we wish for comes true, and sometimes it doesn't. I told her that if she really felt strongly about something she desires that she should pray about it. And she told me that she does (which I knew) and even gave me the example of how hard she has been praying for a baby sister for years. I told her that when we pray, God will answer those prayers according to what He wants for us, and when we wish, some of those things come true, too, because that's what He wanted. And in the end, Grace let me know that she was going to keep praying... and that she was going to keep wishing on stars, too. And I told her that that's OK... I mean, what else could I say? I cry when the wishes music plays at Disney World, and I still believe in fairies...

But back to the review...

Overall, I felt that the lessons taught were phenomenal! Hard work is important... but it's not everything... What you want might not really be what you need... And personal sacrifice is worthwhile when it helps a friend...

When I take my children to see a movie, I want it to mean something. I am not interested in sitting them in front of an hour and a half of meaningless drivel that they do not understand to keep them quiet for a while. And I am certainly not interested in showing them something far beyond their understanding and losing the opportunity to view the film in a fresh, educational, inspiring way when they are old enough to take something from it. I also don't care to scare them half to death. For these reasons, "The Princess and the Frog" is a "big kid movie" at this house. I am pretty sure that Seth and Grace are ready to grasp the themes and discuss the meaning behind what I saw tonight. They may get to see the movie in the theater, or we may wait until it comes out on DVD. Caleb and Ian can wait. There's no sense "wasting" a good movie before it's time...

Lisa

Ian's 1st Haircut...

... Oh, my baby boy is getting big!

Well... now that Ian is almost 3, it seemed an appropriate time for a first haircut (particularly because strangers had started to comment on how cute "she" is)! It really just about broke my heart to cut those little curls off (which is why I put them in a ponytail first)... I am amazed at how much Ian looks like Seth with his new "big boy" haircut! Here's the pics:

Lisa

You Cannot Be Serious...

... I thought yesterday was bad?

I'm on a roll this week...

So, tonight was the last Legacy of Love performance. Dress rehearsal almost killed me, but the actual performance went quite well, although not highly attended. I had a wonderful time working with the kids, and they did such a good job, overall...

It is interesting to me, but tonight I realized something... Seth is a really good actor. It's not that I hadn't noticed, before, that he does a good job, but he's not an in your face, spotlight hogging kind of kid... like someone else I know... ahem... oldest daughter of mine... Grace is always in the spotlight... the center of attention... and she is very, very talented, so people are constantly remarking about how amazing she is. But tonight as I was watching Seth play his role, I thought to myself, "Gosh... he's really good at this (and forgive me for this next point)... even better than his sister is!" Don't worry, though, I won't tell Grace (and still, no one holds a candle to her musical ability)...

After the performance, we cleaned up (a lot) and then the plan was that I would run by the house so that Robert and Amber could pick up a few things for Avalyn's birthday party, and then I would grab some fast food for myself and the kids, since it was after 8pm and we hadn't had dinner.

I checked for what I needed in the garage first, and when I couldn't find it, Amber and I went into the house. As I was crossing the living room, Amber said in a kind of shaky voice, "What just went across your house?" And I thought, "Oh brother... another mouse," until she added, "It wasn't on the floor!" At which point I kind of flipped and asked (voice getting louder), "What are you, an idiot? Nothing flew across my house... Tell me that you did not just see something fly across my house!"

That is the moment at which a bat began flying toward us, and this 23 1/2 week pregnant woman took off running... assuming that my 21 1/2 week pregnant friend was behind me, which she wasn't! When I got to the back door, I turned around and started shouting for her to hurry up and get out, but I didn't see her for a moment... until a blanket from my living room came crawling toward me and I realized that Amber was under it!

We emerged on the back deck, slamming the door behind us, and although I felt like crying I figured there was no point, so I started laughing hysterically and ranting about the $1,000.00 bat exclusion we did this summer... And, oh yeah... we screamed for Robert to get inside and capture the bat...

I called Phil at this point, who was still working, and his reaction was about as good as mine. He promised to come home as soon as possible, and Amber and I proceeded to watch Robert pretend he was Batman (through the window, of course, while standing outside in the snow)...

Robert quickly discovered that there were, in fact, two bats, and I screamed to him that they'd better not be having sex, because I didn't need a whole bat family... and then I remembered how many church members live in my backyard and wondered if maybe that wasn't the best thing to be yelling about in the middle of the night...

There are so many great details to this story, but for the sake of time...

Phil got home and he and Robert managed to knock the bats unconscious with cardboard boxes and paper towel holders (gosh, I wish I had a video)... Then we used duct tape to keep them from escaping when they wake up (although I am pretty sure that one of them was dead). Phil checked the rest of the house and assures me that there are no more bats... and he'd better be right, because as I type this my children are sleeping and Phil is not home yet (still working), and if I have to evacuate with four children in their pajamas, it is not going to be pretty!

The bat guy is coming next week. And if he has to come back 1,000 times, he's gonna get this right, let me tell ya!

There's never a dull moment... That's for sure...

Lisa

It Could Only Happen To Me...

... I think!

Yesterday was an interesting day of sorts, from start to finish. I found myself alone with my "little guys" (Caleb and Ian) around 12:30, and after Caleb's music class we decided to make a trip to finish up some Christmas shopping and pick up groceries (for which we were long overdue because of our outrageous schedule as of late).

So we arrived at Wal-Mart around 3:30 and proceeded to spend the next three hours picking up the things we needed. Our cart was packed, and we were all rather tired and hungry when we stepped into line at the checkout lane...

After what seemed like an eternity (at the time), everything was scanned, and I swiped my credit card to take care of the "damage"... and the cash register beeped and spit out this little receipt that said my credit was denied... Since I was using a card that had no balance whatsoever until I purchased twenty bucks worth of gas earlier in the day, I figured this must be a mistake, and I ran it again... beep... silly little piece of paper denying my credit again... Now, this would ordinarily not be an issue, because I almost always carry several cards with me, and in the event that something is wrong with one of them, I just switch cards. I usually carry my bank card with me too, and most of the time there is enough money in my checking account to cover such a purchase. Unfortunately, the reimbursement checks that had been deposited earlier in the day hadn't yet cleared, and Phil had my other card, so neither of those two options existed...

Clearly frustrated... and embarrassed at this point... I told the cashier that I would have to call my credit card company... at which point everyone else in line kind of snickered and retreated to different checkout lanes... (I could just hear them thinking nasty things about the poor, fraudulent, pregnant lady with two little kids who couldn't afford her groceries)...

After working with two customer service representatives who couldn't speak English fluently (and let me just take a little rabbit trail here to say that I am not one of those people who hates immigrants or anything, and I don't feel like people should have to learn English to become citizens, either, but I do not understand why someone would be hired in communications if they cannot speak English), I was assured that they had thought that my card was stolen (apparently a $20.00 charge for gas was outside of my normal spending habits), and that I would need to provide my social security number, mother's maiden name, and rights to marry my firstborn child before they could unsuspend my credit card (with no balance and plenty of credit limit). I, of course, granted them this information and was assured that my card could be used immediately.

And so I hung up the phone and swiped my card, resulting in another (now irritating) little "beep" and a stupid little slip of paper, again denying my credit...

At this point, I am certain the cashier thought I was just talking into the air and making up a ridiculous story in an attempt to get out of the store with free merchandise. Of course, this is outrageous, because I am not so stupid as to think that Wal-Mart would ever let anyone out of one of their facilities without charging them an arm and a leg (which I might have offered at this point if I thought it would help)...

Tried the card again, just for kicks... "beep"...

And so now my only option was to suspend my order and try again in 5 minutes, hoping that the transaction would go through...

Pulled Ian (surrounded by Wal-Mart bags in the cart and now screaming), and Caleb (who had been taking a little ride on the spinning bagging area thing) to the back of the line and waited, only to find that 5 minutes later the freaking card still wouldn't work, and to top it off, they couldn't suspend the order a second time, so now I either had to leave the store without anything or come up with another plan. I decided it was worth holding up the line (which, of course, quickly dispersed for a second time) and called the credit card company again...

This time the customer service rep. did speak English, and I didn't let him off the phone until the order cleared... which it did... provided that I could offer some photo evidence of my identity... which you would think I could... if only I could find my driver's license... which, of course, I couldn't...

After searching through everything in my purse and wallet... twice... my license finally appeared, and I was released with my two wiggly children and my $400.00 worth of Wal-Mart crap...

As I neared the exit, I though to myself, "If the security alarm goes off, I am going to scream!" And wouldn't you know it, as I walked through the door I heard in a lovely, computerized, tone something to the effect of, "Please step back... we think you have stolen items in your cart"... (OK, so that's an exaggeration), but the alarm really did go off, and I really did have to go back inside. I did not, however, scream, as I thought I would...

Ian, who had stopped screaming, started again almost immediately...

I was asked if I had any electronics, DVDs, etc. and the answer was no. I didn't. Ya know, except for the dozen or so Wii systems I had stuffed in my shoes... (I didn't say that... wanted to, but didn't)... Usually they just let you go at this point, but oh, no... Instead this man took my receipt and started going through it, looking for what might have set off the alarm. It was at this point that a nice lady pointed out to me that our package of pull-ups was dragging underneath the cart (I had put them there after they were scanned at the checkout lane), and I thanked her and returned them to their original place. Then another customer comes up to me, gets in my face, and asks (in an accusatory, whiny sort of voice) if the pull-ups had gotten stuck under the cart before I went through the checkout. The evil Lisa wanted to take her by her throat and shake her, assuring her that it was worth my time and effort to steal a fifteen dollar package of nighttime diapers after paying for the rest of my merchandise... The nice Lisa said, "No, I put them down there after they were scanned." The she left...

Finally, the Wal-Mart greeter guy found the ten dollar Dora the Explorer watch (a birthday present) that was setting off the alarm. He deactivated it, and we were finally free to go out into the cold, dark night... (Caleb and I had not yet put on our new, really ugly coats that cost $7.00 apiece, but that is a lovely story for another time)...

As I exited the store, I thought, "Ya know... I will probably pop the trunk to put these bags in and find a dead body... It just would have topped it all off... All I found was a dozen basketballs from the church league practice...

The boys and I then made a valiant effort to eat at Texas Roadhouse, but decided that the wait was far too long for one crabby pregnant lady and two sleepy kids... We ended up at Chili's, where Ian ate virtually nothing and Caleb enjoyed pizza. I don't know why, but a couple of times a year I forget how sick I get every time I eat at Chili's and I give in to the temptation. I should have taken Caleb's suggestion and split a chicken basket with him at DQ...

We finally got home, put our things away, and went to bed...

Please, can't someone come up with a realistic way to do grocery shopping on-line...

Lisa