Stay the Course

I don’t do anything halfway, but sometimes it doesn’t matter.  Sometimes, even when you put everything you can and everything you are into something, it still doesn’t work out.  But friends, I really stink at rejection. 

I saw a quote the other day that went like this:

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” -Mohadesa Najumi

Of course, I loved it immediately; because that’s the kind of person I want to be.  Heck, sometimes I even embody this.  But I knew I couldn’t claim to be this person, today, because within moments of reading the rejection letter that crossed the screen in front of my eyes, I was looking at another message, from one of my dearest friends, which read, “I love you.  You’re enough.”

And let’s be real, if your closest friends respond like that, it’s because they know how very, very badly you need the validation.

So, quite honestly, I’m sitting here tonight weighing the risks of vulnerability.  There is a deep part of me that knows I would benefit from a crushing hug and as many words of affirmation as the people who know me best could offer.  Seriously, hundreds of thousands of words would be helpful.  But I am also terrified that any degree of human contact might cause me to shatter into so many pieces I will never be able to pick them all up again.  And it absolutely comes from feeling as if I am not enough.  Because today, I wasn’t.

It’s only been a few days since I blogged and assured the Internet world that I was going to be OK, one way… or another… or another…  And I am.  But I suddenly can’t remember what ‘Plan B’ was.  I think I need permission to fall apart for just a little while.

I put an awful lot of myself into ‘staying a course’ that no longer exists.  The road has shifted underneath my feet, and I need a minute to forge a new path.  Just a minute…

L.

I Left The House At 9:00 This Morning...

...to have coffee... and to debrief life a little bit with my friend, Erin.

This caused all kinds of comic relief, because Ian was immediately distressed, since "Erin" is a "boy name".  Why was Mommy going to have coffee with some guy who wasn't Daddy?  Oh, for crying out loud!  After explaining that Erin is, indeed, a girl, Ian let me go...

I was planning to slowly sip my mocha (the biggest one on the menu, because I seriously needed it by the time I actually made it to the coffee shop), chat for a little bit, and then run one errand.  Just one.  I fully expected to be home by 11:00 at the latest.

When I reached the parking lot at 10:15, I thought I'd check my texts quickly.  I was met with a text from 1/2 an hour earlier informing me that Phil had been rear ended in a neighboring town, and his head hurt.  I tried to text.  I tried to call.  No response.  I finally gave up and started driving toward the neighboring town figuring that I could probably find either him or the van, hopefully both.   

Before I got very far, I got another text that he was at the doctor's office (that's where he was headed anyway), and could I meet him there?  I figured things were probably not as bad as I'd imagined them, since he wasn't at the ER and could still text.

I found the van in the parking lot.  It had obviously been in a collision, but it was drivable.  I proceeded to wait in the waiting room at the doctor's office for what seemed like forever, because I guess it doesn't matter if your spouse has been in a car accident, you just have to wait there.  Whatever.  There is no Internet connection, so I played "Popcat" on my phone.  A lot of "Popcat".  Don't judge me.  I didn't come prepared for this.  I didn't even have a book!  I now have so many magic fish it's ridiculous.

Phil finally emerged with a diagnosis of whiplash.  OK.  We can live with that.  But, you know, I thought we probably needed lunch at this point.  All of the texts from the kids indicated that everyone was still alive, no one was lost, and my teenagers are responsible enough to homeschool themselves and their younger siblings.  We dropped one of the vans off at a carpool spot and I drove us to The Cheesecake Factory, because you might as well make a date of it when car accidents and doctor appointments have already ruined any potential for a productive day anyway.  And cheesecake fixes everything.  Well, OK, not everything, but it's close.  This is the point where I must admit that I actually wasn't very hungry after the morning's events, so I took my cheesecake to go.  It's still in the fridge.  I might eat it if everyone goes to bed at a decent hour.  By myself.  Is eating cheesecake one of those things you're not supposed to do alone?  Just wondering.

Well, by this time it had occurred to me that Phil was really in no shape to run errands by himself, so I ran his with him and thought I'd get mine in, as well.  Remember?  That one errand I had to run.  Let's be real.  I was looking for the limited edition Star Wars make-up, because I'm still trying to be the coolest mom in the galaxy... and I wanted some for myself.  Full disclosure here, people.  It took three stores, but I finally found it.  Grace can look like she belongs to "the light side" and, frankly, you should have already guessed that I bought the other stuff for me.  I felt somehow proud when the cashier asked if there was glitter in it.  It's like she knew that's what I stand for.  Well, at least there's that...

We stopped by Phil's parents' house and told them the story of this day, because they really didn't need to read it here in rather unorthodox blog form.  And then we stopped to get the kids pizza, because there's just no way I was cooking after a day like today.

I got home at 6:45.  I never expected a coffee date to turn into 9 hours and 45 minutes away from home.  I pretty much ordered Phil to go to bed.  I was going to say that I'm not usually that bossy, but I guess I am, because everyone I know seems to be telling me that I have control issues lately.  He had better be sleeping.  It's only 8:00, and Miah is sawing logs as I write.  I'm pretty sure I have big kids waiting to watch TV with me.  It's well deserved.  And then maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get something accomplished for the two classes I'm taking.

I am so thankful, today, for God's protection.  I am so thankful for responsible kids, and a huge green van that doesn't work all the time but worked when I needed it to.  I am so thankful for Grace who cleaned Miah's room and even sprayed it, because Miah said, "it 'stinked'".  I am so thankful for Little Caesar's... that's why we're keeping them in business.  I am so thankful for friends who pray.  And I am even so thankful for Star Wars make-up, because Grace has reaffirmed that I really am the coolest mom ever.

It's been one of those days...  and as I am so fond of saying... aren't they all?

L.

See Ya Real Soon...

Our typical Florida vacations usually end in the mid afternoon, often at Downtown Disney/Disney Springs, sometimes after a short trip to finish things up at a park or parks.  Today was not typical...

Since Disney Quest is closing... forever... we really wanted to get back there, because the only time we had ever visited was in 2008, and Disney Quest is not stroller/baby friendly at all, so it was difficult, to say the least.

We started out the day with lunch at T-Rex and then our Disney Springs shopping, which was very fun/productive. 

My best buy of the trip was a Lego photo frame

featuring this sea serpent... $0.98

I am eventually going to make a complete post about what I thought of all of the dining options, how the dining plan worked for us this time around, etc.  However, I will give a little preview here and say that we had a ridiculous number of snack credits left as well as some counter service credits that we simply could not use up.  Had we not had to alter several of our days due to illness, we would have used all of our credits, but because things got a little crazy, we ended up with 47 snack credits to spare.

This is just a sampling of what we brought home:

Disney Quest, itself, ended up being something of a disappointment, and I can see that it really is time for it to close.  It is essentially the technological dream of the 90s.  And I am simply too old for simulators.  When the magic carpets make you sick, it's time to throw in the towel.  I'm really glad we went, though, because I think it's the kind of thing where if we hadn't gone we would always be wishing we had, wondering what we missed, etc.

We left Disney Springs at 9:15pm, which is far too late any way you look at it.  We only made it as far as Valdosta, and that was really pushing it, because I could not keep my eyes open, so Phil had to drive without any intelligible conversation, and it's safe to say that we are both too tired for that at this point.  Tomorrow will be a very long travel day.  

L.

Pictures Taken Today: 116

This Is The Part...

... where we try to see how many things we can still cram in to this vacation.

We're a little "off", partly because being sick has cost us some hours, partly because of that move we had to make in the middle of the night, and partly because Disney decided to close Blizzard Beach for refurbishment before it was originally scheduled.  We always plan well, but this has been the best planned trip to date with the worst actual following of the plan!

This morning, we went back to Hollywood Studios to catch a few of our favorites one more time.  I think I have enjoyed Hollywood Studios more on this trip than ever before, and I just about can't wait until the new Pixar and Star Wars additions!  We couldn't get back on Toy Story Mania (without waiting a really long time), but we did get fastpasses for another showing of the Frozen Sing Along, one more ride on Rockin' Roller Coaster, and Star Tours (which only Seth and Grace did again):

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway...

"Snow" to end the Sing Along:

I have decided it is simply impossible

to get a flattering ride photo on

Rockin' Roller Coaster:

Posing outside of Star Tours:

And... you know... Don't forget the food...

Traditional Pizza Planet Picture:

 This kid has been waiting his entire life

for a giant Disney turkey leg... True Story:

We had hoped to spend the afternoon at Disney Quest, but now Phil is feeling sick, so instead we purchased more cold medicine at Walmart and spent some more time at the cabin.  No big deal.  Plenty of time left.

One of the hidden gems of Disney that we discovered on our last trip was the Chip and Dale campfire sing-along followed by the electric water pageant and fireworks viewed on the beach at Fort Wilderness.  As a kid, I remember seeing the electric water pageant from the monorail and loving it.  It's not really a major attraction or anything, but it is a fun little show.  We hauled hot dogs and more stuff for s'mores than any one family could actually consume down to the campfire and proceeded to have a tasty (if messy) dinner followed by the Hokey Pokey (wait, where did my teenagers go) and a trip to the beach.  I'm not sure there is anything more peaceful than just sitting at the seven seas lagoon, in the dark, watching the night light up.  The only complaint I have is that the speaker system was really quiet, so we couldn't hear the soundtrack for Hallow Wishes.

Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog:

Miah and I met Chip and Dale

I might have been kissed by a chipmunk

Electric Water Pageant:

Fireworks view from the beach:

Oh look!  Another hidden Mickey:

As it turns out, it was also a fabulous day for family selfies...

In Tatooine:

On the tram:

 And at the beach:

One more full day of magic coming our way...

L.

Pictures Taken Today: 199

Today Has Been Sort Of Crazy...

... aren't they all?

We started our day in Animal Kingdom, where we had all kinds of wild experiences.  These included:

Reaffirmation that Grace will never be a paleontologist:

 But Ian might:

And the realization that Miah is fearless (she rode most of Expedition Everest with her hands up) and that Mama will panic on roller coasters that are just too big for "the baby"...  Miah is the first kid who I have ever seen look for a reasonable way off the ride when it stops at the broken tracks before going backwards.  I now remember why people have children in their 20s:

Our character greetings were ridiculous.  Baloo was so funny, but he might have gotten a little over excited when he chased Grace after she left the character greeting area.  I probably laughed far too hard about this.  As a side note, while waiting in line my kids informed me that only Caleb has seen The Jungle Book.  I have no idea how this happened.  It made little difference, because we are all TaleSpin fans:

And then there was Rafiki, whom Grace desperately wanted to meet.  The only problem was that we didn't make it onto the Wildlife Express Train until the last train of the evening, and we were informed that all of the characters had already left.  This was seriously going to be a disaster.  I have never prayed for a character to still be at a greeting spot before, but I did today.  Well, believe it or not, Rafiki was somehow hung up and Grace was able to sneak in for the last character greeting of the day.  Thank goodness, because I couldn't figure out how to cram another trip to Animal Kingdom in over the next couple of days:

Of course, we were so late getting out of there that they had to hold the train back for us... particularly because we needed to stop to take a picture with the elephants.  It's family tradition.  One does not go to Disney without getting a picture with the elephants: 

Per normal, Finding Nemo, the Musical, and Festival of the Lion King were fabulous.  Festival of the Lion King was made even more so by Ian and Miah being chosen to participate in the show:

I have always loved Kilimanjaro Safari.  The best quote of the day came from Miah who shouted, "Hey Dad!  Look at that blade of grass!"  Sometimes it's the little things...  

The low point of our day was when we got a call from the resort informing us that we would have to move cabins because of a maintenance issue!  I really thought I might cry over this, because it is no easy task to pack up and move this much stuff and this many people, but our pre-teen and teenager crew managed to get the job done in about 90 minutes.  I am struggling a little bit with the fact that I am still awake at this hour, but at least we are all set for the remainder of the trip.

A highlight of the day was heading over to Epcot one last time (that makes four visits this time around) for dinner at Le Cellier.  We have always wanted to eat there, but at $50.00 a plate, there was just no way without the free dining plan!  It was really good steak, but I know it wasn't a good value, since we had to use so many table service credits.  Undoubtedly, the funniest part was when Miah was upset that the server kept taking our silverware after each course.  This was particularly funny after she tried to return the silverware she didn't need earlier in the trip.  Again, keepin' it classy...

We are quickly approaching the end of this vacation and continuing to try to capture every moment and memory.  You don't get these times back...  

L.

Pictures Taken Today: 281

A Whole Day In Fantasyland...

If you'd asked me, before the huge Fantasyland addition, if we could spend an entire day there, I would have told you no.  Now it is completely possible.

We started out our day at Cinderella's Royal Table.  It is always a big deal to eat in the castle, even though I have to say that the food, itself, seems to have deteriorated in quality.  Not that we pick character greetings based on the food, but we might pick dining options based on the food, in the future, so this is more of a reminder to myself than anything else.  Still, you just can't beat the view, and the princesses were great (Jasmine was pretty concerned about the level of pixie dust at our table).

I just love this face:

From there, we proceeded to take in as much of Fantasyland as possible, which ended up being all of it, because the Magic Kingdom hours changed, so instead of a 10:00 close with extra magic hours until midnight, we ended up with extra magic hours until 2:00am. 

I have mixed feelings about "New" Fantasyland... I guess they're not actually referring to it that way anymore, but whatever.  Now, part of how I'm feeling about this is undoubtedly influenced by the fact that I am really, really sick.  I wasn't even sure I could do Disney when I woke up, and it got worse as the day went on.  Sore throat, nose running all over the place, asthma kicked in full force, whole body aches.  And I'm grumpy.  Really, really grumpy.  Which is probably why I loved the Seven Dwarves Mine Train...

Beast's castle and Gaston's tavern are less than impressive to me, but maybe I am just bitter about not being able to get a reservation for "Be Our Guest".  Ariel's castle is pretty cool, and the ride is fun, but it seems a bit redundant considering the Little Mermaid show at Hollywood Studios.  Some of us still rode it three times, though.  Miah and I only rode it twice, because we took some time to wait for Elsa, Anna, and Rapunzel.  I'm a little bit sad that character greetings are completely obsolete for "the big four"...

If you've ever complained about the It's a Small World song running through your head all day long, guess what?  Your wish has been granted and the song no longer plays, in excess, at It's a Small World.  I mean, the music is still there, but you are only subjected to the lyrics a couple of times.  In theory, the lyrics are sung in multiple languages throughout the ride, but the soundtrack drowns this out.  As someone who loves It's a Small World, I was kind of disappointed.

Miah has been wanting to ride Prince Charming's Carousel for months, and she got to ride it three times, today.  I think she was pretty happy with that.

I was really worried about the modifications to Dumbo, since this is my all time favorite Disney attraction, but I think it turned out OK.  At least, it turned out well enough to ride it four times and to take more Dumbo pictures than anything else... all day long...  The best part was when there was no line and they let us stay on to ride twice in a row!

How many kids can you fit in one Dumbo?

Three...  Just three...

Or maybe five, if it's the trained photo Dumbo:

We got the pink Dumbo!

Don't judge us.

We have been trying to get the pink Dumbo for years:

The Barnstormer, The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh (can't believe we all made it in one honeypot),  the Mad Tea Party, and Mickey's Philharmagic were fun, as always.  And I think that only leaves Peter Pan, which had a typical hour plus wait throughout the morning... afternoon... and evening... but finally dropped to 25 minutes during extra magic hours.  I have always liked this ride, but I have never understood why it is the most sought after attraction in all of the Magic Kingdom.

Of course, somewhere between the riding, we watched the Main Street Electric Parade, Celebrate the Magic, and Wishes.  I was super impressed with Celebrate the Magic.  Wishes is, as always, my favorite.  The parade caused a little bit of stress, because we had been sitting in a prime viewing location for about 90 minutes, eating ice cream (while Phil went in search of Ian's lost magic band), when a full grown man decided it was appropriate to push Ian out of the way and to sit on him.  Are you kidding me?  I made mention of this and was completely ignored, which I thought was rather rude.  Perhaps he could have said, "I'm sorry"?  Then, at the very last minute, a couple of other people pushed in beyond the barrier where you are supposed to leave a walkway, and stood right in front of my kids with their cell phones held up above their heads to get some pictures or video or whatever.  I cannot believe how rude people can be.  In the end, we managed to find a way for everyone to see alright.  Geesh!

Who thought this ice cream sundae was a good idea?

We did eat dinner at Cosmic Ray's and ended our night with Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin (again), so I guess we didn't spend the day exclusively in Fantasyland.  Close enough... 

 Lovin' us some Sonny Eclipse...

Well, except Miah...

She thinks he's "creepy"...

But she does love to drink frozen stuff:

These don't really fit neatly anywhere, but...

All five year olds are entitled to a late night

Disney meltdown:

Because sometimes you just need a nap...

at 11:00pm... on a bench...

L.

Pictures Taken Today: 429

I think we finally found the rightful leader: